I feel really bad I have already whined enough about whats been happening to people in the emotional and physical support group but one individual suggested that I join here too because of what else my husband likes to do. It seems like everytime I post something on these sites I have to take an ativan before I can or else I start having panic attacks, and I start feeling sick and shaking. Its so hard to type right now. I don't know if its normal, but it helps so I already took a pill. I just feel horrible I know I shouldn't be whining like this. I have been thinking about leaving my husband for a little while now. I want to but I don't because I am scared too. He likes to invite his friends over sometimes for fun, they think that I am pretty and that I don't behave myself and they are trying to keep me in line. I swear I have never done anything to make any of them think that I wanted or enjoy what they do to me. My husband usually is there but sometimes he gives them permission to assult me without him. I am scared to death of them, its happening more often and they are getting more violent, they always tie me up and hit me. They smoke so they like to leave marks on me and now they've started to choke me. After one of the attacks last week with him and three of his friends I got enough courage thanks to some members on the other site and I talked with a police officer last week and after he talked with them he called me a liar, he said that my husband would never do that and if he was abusive he would never share me that that. my husband knows people on the department. One of his friends is an officer and he knows exactly what is going on. I ended up going home with them, they took my personal stuff and kept assulting me. I have been working with a contact from the rape and abuse crisis center, she comes to the college to meet me, and she documented my injuries, but she keeps telling me that he's escalting in both the physical and sexual assults. I just don't know want to do I know I have to leave but I don't know if I have the strength to anymore. I can handle the physical attacks its the rest of it, what he and his friends do to me that I can't anymore. I've tried to commit sucide, but I've failed at it twice so far. I am really truly sorry for the complaining.
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