A strange thing starts to happen to me around this time of the year (towards the end of August and the middle of September). I begin to feel anxious and nightmares become frequent. With the exception of my AMAZING nephew being born on September 4th of last year, nothing positive has come out of the month in my adult life. I was brutally raped and became pregnant with my rapist's child in September. I was in the middle of 9/11 because I lived in NYC at the time (OBVIOUSLY September again). I nearly died on heroin in September. Blah. Blah. Blah. It's been forever ago that these events occurred...I mean, 9/11 was almost a decade ago. I tend to just feel stressed out and the dreams combined with the guilt from the rape and being a junkie becomes overwhelming at times. I've had a lot of therapy. I know that I had PTSD for a long time although I've worked my way through that for all intensive purposes. It's just like a really f'ed up anniversary I guess. When will it end though? I used to love the fall when I was a kid. I wish I could eventually see September for what it really is again, just another month.
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