Firstly you are not alone, not in being raped and, not with staying with him. I stayed when it happened to me at 16, in fact I just pretended that everything was normal. We never talked about it and I never tried to forgive him I just got on with things. It worked for a while in that I was able to function but it left something very changed in me. In my experience the pain did not go away as such but it got less sharp. I didn't try to deal with any of it though, I just buried it deep inside where it created a cancer within me and it is what I am trying to deal with now in therapy.
To me it sounds as if you are staying with him, letting him use your body whenever he is in that mood because you have lost your self esteam and respect. You didn't lose it though, he stole it from you. It is not stamped on your forehead he is playing on that memory. Trust me on this one, you are going to be and are most probibly now desired, cared for and, wanted by others just for being you. This awful thing that was done to you does not define you. Have you truely forgiven him if you still hurt so much deep inside? My gut answer to that is no, whats yours? I think you should cut him out of your life and get yourself into therapy. I am a big believer in therapy these days but years ago when it happened and when I needed help bad, I was the most anti - therapy woman you were ever likely to meet. It really does help I promise you.

I had a similar-sounding on-off relationship with the ex who raped me, he used to still try to come round and see me and come out with things like "but no-one will ever love you as much as I do" wtf?
But at the time when you're struggling to make sense of what's happened you do get confused and it's easy to start doubting yourself and what really happened.
You *will* find other people who genuinely care about you without trying to manipulate you. But the sooner you distance yourself from this 'friend' the better, the longer you let this situation go on the worse it's going to get.
You probably already know this for yourself, you're here in this group and you know that what happened to you was rape.
As for forgiveness, you're still trying to make sense of what happened so forgiveness is irrelevant, and you don't need to forgive in order to move on.
I agree with solongago, find a good counsellor to discuss this with; it can be difficult at first, but after a while you'll find that your life changes for the better in so many ways that you probably can't even imagine right now.

my ex raped me and we stayed together. he kept on taking off my clothes all the time and pursuing sex even when i said i didn't want it, to the point where id give in. i think that you should seperate yourself from him. your not married, and he needs to apologize. you will only come to resent him and wonder why u ever stayed with him after what he did.

I would break up with him as soon as possible. The longer you wait, the harder it's going to be in therapy to get over it. It would be great if it would just go away, but it doesn't. The pain snowballs until you can't take it anymore. My advice is to cut your losses now and get out of that relationship. It is going to be so hard, especially once therapy begins, but it's necessary to heal yourself. Good luck hun and sorry for your pain :(