Rape Support Group
If you or someone you know has been the victim of rape, this is the place to find support and get advice. If you want, discuss your experience, share your feelings, and meet others going through a similar situation.
i feel like its happening again. Theres a man that comes in to work to see me. His name is Ron. He has grey hair...Im 21. He told me he has had a crush on me since i started there..ive beenn there since i was 14. he has came in everyday this last week..and talked to me when i was there... he makes me nervous. but im kind to him because i dont want to be rude. He asks all the time when i work next. I told him. he said he would be in to pick me up from work..so we can "go out"...he knows im in love..he knows i have a bf. I told him that "i dont think that would be fair to my bf."... he said we dont have to "date" just "get to know eachother" ...he isa very kind man...but it almost seems manipulative..i dont trust him. what man that age hits on a shy timid 21 yr old girl like me...its kinda weird. I dont want to overreact either...GOD I HATE MYSELF FOR SAYING THAT...if i would have stayed with my inital feelings when i was raped at 15 i would have seen what was coming...this man too seems to be taking me by surprise...if i went with him i wouldnt be surprised...what he may do to me. but hes my customer..i cant be rude? I just am not an aggressive person..i dont know how to balance things..where im taking care of myself too. hes tried hitting on other girls at work (they said) and he doesnt bother them...why am i such an easy target,,,what makes these boys/and this man think they can get me to do things i DONT want to do. im scared. what if hes there at my car when i get out of work tomorroW?
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I have been here before, a long long time ago and now I am back.Forgive me for not just saying what I want to say,even under a triple dose of antidepressants it is still raw and seeping and I am hesitant at revealing it as at least under the bandages around my heart I don,t have to look at how raw and wounded.My child was cleaved from my heart by his own actions. my child of ten,turning eleven...
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theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??
I so understand how you're feeling! You're a nice person and it is SO hard to be a 'nice person', but stand up and set those boundaries. But you can do it! Don't worry about hurting his feelings. Don't worry about being likable. Don't worry! We need to establish boundaries with all kinds of people in our lives and we can do it politely, yet firmly.
Don't hint that your boyfriend wouldn't like it... say it flat out. Honestly, if he's an older and married man, tell him to quit making a fool of himself and go home and love his wife. hehehe
He has absolutely no business hitting on you or any of the other girls. He most likely doesn't bother them anymore because they easily brushed him off. They don't have the fear mixed in with the 'niceness' ... know what I mean?
He may be taking your timidness as possible interest. You haven't blown him off the way the other girls have? You've only hinted at it... not wanting to hurt his feelings and being a bit intimidated.
Think of it this way: he's a gray haired older man and you're 21. You can run faster, jump higher, yell louder, kick harder, etc. You have far more power than you've thought you do. The great thing is, you can do all that and be a nice person, too!
Telling him you are not comfortable with going anywhere with him is honesty, not rude.
If he said something to your boss as a result of this, I'm sure your boss would just see him as a weirdo hitting on a young girl.
There comes a time that subtleness no longer works. Men are creatures of direct confrontation, and often don't take hints. You must outright tell him you're not interested and that it isn't fair to your bf, even as a friendly thing, because you can tell it isn't such. And like the other posters have said, have someone come with you to your car. Also, I would suggest buying a stun gun (a strong, compact one can cost around 30 dollars and can subdue even a tall, muscular man). I'm not saying that he will necessarily do anything, but you can never be too careful.
If you would like one, here is a good site.
http://www.ddsp.com/stun-guns.htm
Also, if someone has a hold on you, and you use it, it won't hurt you too. So basically, no matter how strong someone is, they will be subdued. And it doesn't kill them or anything, so there are no worries about murder charges. =P
I gave one to my mom.