So I had over 3 months clean. Well, "clean", my psychiatrist never took me off the ativan (anti-anxiety), he insisted that I wasn't medically addicted and never changed the prescription. Even though it had put me in the ER twice and the psych ward and I couldn't not take it. But i'd been taking one a day every morning like I was supposed to. But then about a week ago, well, nine days ago I started taking more again. I've done it like five different times since then. Technically it's with in my prescription, the amount I took. And honestly things are so bad right now... I guess I just, well, I'm not sure I really WANT to get clean again. At the same time I feel bad about not being clean.
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