I have no answers to your questions but I'll try to give my opinion. Your husband has to hit rock bottom before he succeeds in sobriety. He has to find the reason at the end of the road to get well. You are not a bad wife if you cannot properly deal with his addiction. You are not a bad person. There IS only so much you can do, the rest he has to do himself. I wish you all the luck and I'll be around if you wanna talk about it. xo

Hi Kharmacre,
He was on the Suboxone program for 90 days and soon after starting using again. I expected this since addiction is tough to break from. After that confession, I thought we were ok... NOT! He quit then started using again. I saw the signs and approached him last night about it. He admitted to using again and that's where we are now. He's a good husband as far as a provider, etc but pushing me away for an addication is alot to take. I want to be the one to help him and I know he's gotta help himself. He did it before so he can again. It's a matter of him making that decision. He's been using for a couple of years and only cause I approached him a while back, did he confess. Our sex life sucks!!!! I'm near the end of my rope here. How many times are we gonna have the same convo about using, getting off, using, etc. This is so unfair. I love him dearly and don't want to leave him but I have needs too!!! Not just sex, but a companion who is there 100%.
Thanks for your input...it helps :)
NYCGirl

I hear ya girl. Gods, I wish I could help you. I can only be here if you want to talk.

Maybe he should try again. www.naabt.com I'm sure it isn't that he doesn't love you enough to change, but the drug is so much more powerful that you could ever imagine. He will only get help when he's ready. Until then, do what you have to do. I could suggest separation, but would not suggest divorce. Good luck and God Bless!!!

Okay NYC here it goes. My brother and myself both were heavy pill poppers and both of us had wives and kids to boot, unfortunately having people that care about you and want you to quit wasnt enough. My brother ended up on the streets for years before he quit, you see he had to hit his bottom. Rock friggin bottom...My bottom was also very low, divorced with three kids and i lost everything but still not enough to quit. Car accident fugged up with kids in car, nope not low enough. Ran over by drunk driver and almost died, nearly lost my arm and other injuries, nope not quite low enough! Finally I had to give full custody of my children to their mom and had supervised visits for months and finally yes finally I had had enough. You see my bottom was so low that i didnt even understand it myself! So that's what it took for us. If you leave it makes you not any less of a wife then if you stay only more determined to make things right. He needs to pay consequences for his actions and until he can se his life dissintigrating in front oif his face he will not quit. That is speaking from my experiance. I now have been clean for ten months by the grace of God. I pray he understands whats on the line and all you can do is say DH if you use again you're out! Then if he does he's out! Stand your ground because you're not helping him by enabling you are actually detering his chance to get better! He will quit when he's ready but you're job is to give him absolutely no choice. Use and you're gone-PERIOD. Thats what it took for us. I will pray for you NYC and God Bless you!

i am on the opposite end of your spectrum...i don't know how much more my husband can take of me and i'm scared to death to lose my kids....i could not make it without them. just like your DH and I will have our absolute bottoms, you eventually will reach a breaking point and you have to listen to yourself and remember that you are no miracle worker. protecting your kids and yourself is primary. it will hit you one day when you have truly had it...it did with my ex husbands drinking and emotional abuse. i will be thinking of you...