I had a drinking problem before I got pregnant. For a year. I have felt little-no emotions for a long time. I don't even know how long. I worry (if you can call it that) that I won't care about the baby. I will take care of it, but I think that I won't bond with it or actually care about it. I know it could all change when the baby gets here. But nearly every day I am telling myself that when the baby gets here, I will commit suicide. I am tired of feeling this way...or not feeling. I have been telling myself this since I got pregnant...I tell myself I won't kill the baby in the process..I have to wait for it to get here. I won't take it with me. But then I tell myself that if I was going to kill myself I would have done it a long time ago. I just don't know who to talk to about this. I want to talk to my doctor, but I worry they will call social services or put me in a hospital. I don't want them to take the baby away...my family has a right to the baby, my husband has a right to the baby. My head just feels fuzzy. I know this isn't making much sense. I am not here for sympathy...I just want to know who the hell should I talk to about this? I don't want to raise a child and be unable to care about it. A mother is supposed to be maternal and care for her children, and I honestly think I am incapable.
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