Even though it must be difficult for you, I bet its still nice that she chose to confide in you. I would go ahead and share your feelings with her about it, especially adding your perspective to it. Maybe hearing about people who want kids and can't have them will help her make a choice, one of adoption.

There have been people who come here pregnant trying to decide if they should abort or not. We usually end up telling them that there are all kinds of options and ways that they can be helped. Many of them are young and in school. A lot of their fears seem to come from wondering how they'll be able to manage their school and the baby and money, some are alone. I bet if you ask her why she's considering it, you'll be able to provide her with more support than just going in telling her not to.

well...she isn't working and she isn't in school. she gets weekly disability checks that she and her child can but choose not to live on.

i feel that her priorities are all mixed up. the whole check is put towards her child's college account. don't get me wrong, that's great. but when you're not eating, your baby is not eating, and you're pregnant...wouldn't that make it okay to use the money?

another thing is...she drinks a little here and there.

another person that i don't understand is my fiance's brother's girlfriend who is ALSO pregnant (i'm not supposed to know). she's not sure whether she wants to keep it so she continues to drink and whatnot...

it's hard to watch these things and not be able to say something...

to me, if you don't want to have a child, why don't they use some kind of protection? coming from a view where kids aren't an option for me...it's hard to stomach children that aren't even born being "abused" (is that the right word?)

it gets me so emotional...no one knows about me and my "state"...except for my fiance and my ex (my most recent abuser). i'm afraid that if my fiance's mom finds out, all hell will be set loose - the whole family will know...and what if she doesn't want me to be with her son anymore? what if she wants her son to have kids?

i can't give that to him...and it eats me up...i have found a therapist...but i'm not sure if she's the right one for me. to her, nothing is wrong with me. she wants me to "pack up" all my negative feelings and "throw" them out...just like that. she doesn't believe that i'm depressed, that i have anxiety...that i'm suffering from PTSD...or borderline OCD...

to her, it's all in my head. maybe she's right? anyway...this is getting off topic...i just have a lot of emotions about this and everything else seems to follow it...GRR...

I really think you are in need of advice so don't feel bad for the post,I don't think that it's fair for anyone to be angry over it, if they don't care to reply then they don't have to, You're not trying to say it's right or it's wrong really you just want opinions and thats great I think,I think that people tend to get mad at others opinions and that's why it's a diff discussion, we can't change a person's way of thinking we can only influence the outcome with our opinions. You've got a lot on your plate and it's going to be hard for you to help someone else when your having trouble yourself.

i really agree with you...i just argue with myself. especially over the whole "not being able to have a child".

being a sex abuse victim/survivor plays a huge part in this whole pregnancy thing.

1) i've been pregnant a few times as a result to the sex abuse...but none have ever made it. i blame myself...thinking that i should've taken better care, even though i know that i really didn't have any control over it.

2) sex is a big deal. i haven't been able to reach that stage yet. and we ALL know that you need sex in order to become pregnant. i just want the baby without having to "do the deed"...i get too many flashbacks to be able to deal with that subject...

3) all people can offer me is "to try"...but after having miscarriages...i don't think i could ever bring myself to having another one. i don't know what i'd do if i lost another one...ESPECIALLY my fiance's...you know?

so i have all this bubbling around in my head...the only hope i'm hanging onto is what this psychic said. i don't really believe in psychics...but she told me that i'm going to have FOUR kids!...

that's the only thing i'm hanging on to right now...that hope and of course my fiance...

Heya, I really do sympathise with you for struggling to conceive, and I wish you all the luck in the world for future babies! Butplease try not to be too harsh on this girl, it really is impossible to understand the complex emotions that come with considering abortion unless you are one of the women experiencing it. I have always been completly against abortion, I see it as murder, and it makes me SICK knowing people can abort up to 6 months. However, I found out I'm pregnant a few weeks ago. I just want to point out that although I'm so against abortion, I am finding it hard to think of ways I'd cope with a baby. I am currently at uni, I'm 18 and the baby's father wants to break up with me. If you asked me before any of this happened what I'd do if I got pregnant, I'd have said I'd keep it. But you really do not now until you are in the situation. I was on the contraceptive pill, but it made me very sick, and stupidely I didn't realise this would mean it wouldn't be effective. I really hope I'm not sounding patronising here, I'm just trying to point out that everyone is so different, and your situation will, understandably make it harder for you to see where this girl is coming from. Anyhoo I've babbled on for long enough!! I really hope you have those 4 babies asap :D

thank you for your comment, but what about putting your child up for adoption? is that an option for you?

sometimes i feel like abortion should just be abolished. there should be no such thing! but then again, i think of all those people who are forced...it wasn't their choice.

but it REALLY isn't the baby's fault. the mother should TRY to be strong. after the child is born, give him/her up for adoption.

is that so much harder? murder your child or give them up for adoption...kill your baby...or give them to someone else who will care for them? interesting...

My boyfriend won't let me put the baby up for adoption. He says he completely disagress with it and if it's born we have to deal with it ourselves. It's also very difficult to give a baby up for adoption, what if the couple it went to ended up abusing it? It's rare but happens. And I would have to live with that concern. I'm adopted and was very unlucky in the fact that me 'father' is an evil man.Please believe me I am trying to figure out a way I can go through with this, abortion really is the last resort. I've spoken to a counsellor and many doctors, I'm only 8 weeks so it's still so early. I am very clued up on the fact the baby has a heartbeat and everything that's going on in there right now, but my head is still very messed up and I'm still in shock. This baby wouldn't have the best of everything, which is what I want for my baby

Ok first of all, I too have always been against abortion...there is a story called the diary of an unborn baby or something like that that I read when I was really young and a combination of that and how much I love babies being that I'm the oldest great grandchild and have been around them my whole life has made me against it.

With that said, I too experienced sexual abuse when I was a young teen and it was by a family member. After it happened I spent hours on the couch thinking about what would happen "if". As much as I am against abortion I did concider that it was an option even though the thought was dismissed shortly after. I was able to understand why someone would choose it even though I too believe a baby is a life the moment it is conceived.

With that said, I also know how hard pregnancy can be when you want the baby and to go through 40 weeks of pregnancy with something that takes over your body and came from a sorce that you don't want to remember...well everyone that goes through that I have more respect for you than anyone else I can think of. There is a part of me that says someone who is raped shouldn't have to go through such a tramatic pregnancy, but at the same time it really isn't the babies fault either.

I remember reading once a story of all the senarios that we have deamed ok to have an abortion and the people that we respect...that have made a difference in our world...that would not be here if that was the case. I have met one such person.

We had a baby at the daycare I worked at that had severe medical problems. I am sure a doctor would have recommended or suggested aboriton due to the medical issues she will face for the rest of her life. A few weeks after I got the job one of my really close friends was killed in a hit and run. I found out on my lunch and that baby made all the difference in the world. With all of her "problems" she was the only thing that made my heart hurt less in that moment of loss. If something that helpless can make that big of a difference I believe it deserves a chance.

I wish you the best of luck in the situation that you are in and as far as your fiance`s family finding out about your situation...that is a conversation the two of you need to have and see where you stand on it and in the end it's his decision not his mom's or anyone else's. Maybe if your fiance`s sister knew your situation and was worried about taking care of the baby she would want you to raise it if that's something you would want to do. Just a thought and possibly another situation.

A good friend of mine was pregnant last year and had been locked in the psych ward for over a month. I was trying to get her to let me adopt her child but her mom ended up talking her into the abortion. As much as I'm against it, I am still there for her and love her just as much as I did before. It's important she knows you will be there for her either way.

Best of luck to you.

O.k. so your friend is pregnant and you are not bale top have children. Have you thought about adopting her child? If she is not sure she can keep it, and if you want children, this may be a solution for both of you. It's just a thought. Good luck, I hope everything works out.

People who are pro-choice and who chose to have abortions don't view it as murder. Just as you have your beliefs about abortion, and righfully so with everything you've been through, you're fiancee's little sister has her own beliefs. It is a very controversial topic that people feel very strongly about.

I had an abortion when I was younger. I was not using oral contraception, but we religiously used condoms. But no form of contraception is 100% effective. I considered all of my options. I did feel that the right choice was to have the baby and put it up for adoption, but in the end, I wasn't a strong enough person to do that. I had an abortion and it took a horrible emotional toll on me. I still get upset about it now. I don't know exactly how else to explain how I made that decision.

One other thing I wanted to comment on... Not everyone is completely educated on how you can get pregnant. Some peope don't know you can get pregnant every day of the month or while you're using contraception. In one of my classes we discussed what teenagers know about sex. Our professor told us that she has seen teens ask questions like "Can you get pregnant from dry humping?" This is why I'm a big advocate for sex education in schools. You need to teach more than abstinance.

p.s. I know that many of you strongly disagree with the choice I made when I was younger. Just please don't say anything mean to me. I'm only sharing this in the hope that it helps Shai understand what her finacee's sister is going through.

Amy, can you re-read your first comment? you stated that the father of your child wants to break up with you...so...am i missing something or is that right?

if he wants to break up with you, why should he have any say whether you give the child up or not?

i really agree with skylark, that seems like a pretty good idea, obviously i understand there are some complications with doing that, but maybe its worth putting it out there.
unfortunately tho i have to admit i have myself had an abortion, and believe me when i say it is never an easy decision to make, infact i know i still wonder if i did the right thing, you never stop wondering what they would have been like, what sort of things they would be into, even what sex they where. i mean sure you could always turn to the adoption option but really there are so many children already out there who are waiting on a caring family, especially in third world countries. it is such a complicated issue and i am just glad this time my situation was stable enough to bring a baby into the world... not that it is as stable as i would like it. if i cant even imagine what sort of life that baby would have had if i had have kept it, thats not to say i dont pay with guilt everyday.

but yeah it is all a matter of opinion and i dont even think people like myself who agree, it should be your decision on weather or not to do it, are entirely comfortable with it. i think it will always be taboo to a certain extent

Well I will admit I am pro choice and when I became pregnant for the second time I did consider abortion.

My son was just 6mos at that time and we were struggling finacially and I barely was getting the hang of the mommy thing. I thought long and hard about the effects both ways. ( abortion or keeping baby) and for me there was no way I can live with myself if I did that. I would of been an emotional basket case and realized abortion is really not the answer but creates more problems.

Then there are those who can not conceieve which is so sad becasue I can not imagine that. My daughter just turned 3 and I look at her and think what the heck was I thinking. She is beutiful and smart!! I love her and her brother would never had had his close play mate! SO I do regret these thought and don't like to think of it much but thought I would share. I guess I considered it because I was overwhelmed with life but certainly glad I did not do it. All I ever did was consider it and thats as far as it went.

It is such a shame when there are so many people out there wanting to have aborations.And there is thousands of people like you that might never beable to have children of your own.Maybe she finds it easier to confined in you but if she has already had one aboration maybe she should of been more careful this time.She is really lucky to beable to have kids unlike so many people out there who are despartet to have kids.