Well today I feel really good because my PMS or "Mad Cow" as my friends affectionately call it, has finally passed. I think that I have PMDD (a severe form of PMS) but didnt see it on the board. But I feel like now I have to scramble before next time hits to find relief. It gets so bad that I want to kill myself. I am not just saying this. I want to commit suicide. I cry the whole time. It usually lasts about 3 days and when I wasnt working I would sequester myself from everyone so I didnt say or do anything that I would regret or be embarrassed of or destroy my house. I dont even want to be around myself but cant escape. So I would take Xanax for three days to dull the emotion, but now I'm working again and cant do that. I work in an office and when this hits, I pretty much keep to myself and am real quiet. I cry at my desk the whole three days and wish I were dead. When it passes, I feel like myself again and am embarrassed for the way I carried on and cried like a baby the entire time. It really is pathetic. This is very serious because I am afraid one day I will kill myself during this time. I really am like a "Mad Cow". It makes me so irrational that I scare myself. I've tried antidepresants but they dont help at all when that time comes around. I just tried YAZ the birth control pill to even out my hormones, but it didnt help and turned my 3 day nightmare into 6. I think that I will do some research tonight on herbal remedies. I dont know what else to do. I cant take the prozac as I have migrains and both meds cant be mixed. Plus, I didnt feel good on the antidepressants. If they can help, I am all for it, but they didnt help me, I just put on a lot of weight. So I started exercising and eating better and went off the antid's and started losing weight but still had mad cow. I quit the sugar, thinking this could be the culprit, but no, mad cow was still in the house. All I know now is that I cant do this every month. I just cant! It is so severe and emotionally draining. I dont want to go thru this even one more time. Its exhausting! Does anyone have any ideas?
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