I need to die. My worth here on this planet is nothing. I went to see the Voc rehab case manager today. While I have been approved for services, They can not send me to truck driving school because of my felony convictions, the last of which was over 12 years ago! I bgan to try to discuss other types of schooling, be he wanted to focus on placing me in employment based on my experiance. What experiance? Menial labor? The heck with that. I don't need help finding a minimum wage job that is just going to keep me struggling for the rest of my life...I can find those on my own. I should have listened to my dad when he told me Bible college wa not going to do me any good, I couldn't live off that. He was right. What was I thinking????Guess I was an Idiot then too. I wish I was dead! At least with Jesus, I wouldnt be hurting so much. I can't work in a church, unless its my own. And I don't even have the funds for gas in my truck, let alone a home to start a new church in. All I have now is this Daily Strength Ministry, at those of you who have called the # on the website, probably don't realize I give up meals just to keep minutes on it (Cell Phone) and can't talk very long, though I'd love to do All I can...so I even fail at that. because I can't afford anything. I am what people call a loser, and I guess there is no room for people like me in society. I Can't support myself, because we live in an unforgiving society. And the American Church seems to think the qualification "Above reproach" for a minister means he lived a life with no major sins, which shows its stupidy! As the writer on most of the New Testament was a killer of Christians before he became one himself! King David, The man after Gods own heart, was a murderer (Uriah) and an adulterer (Bathsheeba)..and they were the parents of the wisest man who ever lived (Soloman). But that was them, then, and Iam here now...a worthles piece of **** who needs to just be buried, and forgotten...Because of my past, I guess Ill never have a future in this life on earth, as I have nothing to offer or contribute because of my past sin. I give up.
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