For 2.5 years I have done everything they tell me to do and the anxiety, panic, depression, hallucinations, loss of time, flashbacks, self mutilation, paranoia persists. I'm on a boatload of drugs and all that does is make it more like watching in black and white rather than in hi-def color. I see the psychologist twice a week (e-mail daily) and the psychiatrist every two weeks (he checks in on me several times a week though). Been hospitalized, joined intensive outpatient programs, tried EMDR and it all keeps bleeding through. I've lost my friends because of how different I've become; my family just doesn't acknowledge me.....alone is how I feel and I often wonder how long I can keep putting one foot in front of the other and just surrender and let it take control. Sorry, not a good day.
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