I was in an outpatient DBT program and have been out of work since late September. At the end of October I was discharged from the program so that I have could have a tonsilectomy. I am just finally feeling better even though I have a head cold, lost hearing in one ear due to it and I have broncitus. I am on FMLA leave and my work pays 100% of my pay for the first 8 weeks and then 70% there-after.

Tomorrow I meet with a new therapist who will also be doing med management for me. I don't know if I'm ready to go back to work and I don't know how to explain this to her. I feel really guilty for saying it, like I should just pull myself up by my bootstraps and go back to work. I work in a very hostile field, a customer service rep in a call center for a bank. I found that with all the personal crises I was having to deal with at home, mostly all financial weighed so heavy on me that when I was being yelled at or given tension on the phone with customers it ended up being huge triggers. I couldn't stop crying. There were times I would pinch my inner arm to get through a call so I wouldn't cry. I have a history of SI with a significant scar that required a lot of stitches which happened almost 4 years ago now. That was a wake up call for me so if I feel I'm getting so depressed I address it before I start to fall that far. This summer it seemed I started to fall fast.

I just don't know if I'm ready to go back yet. I only just started to think clearly enough to learn the DBT skills and I've also started a new medication. I'm afraid I'd get back to work and snap a week later and have to start the process all over. I love my job and I want to keep it and I know they are willing to work with me. In January my husband and I are going to be starting IVF treatments so I will have to use FMLA time for that as well.

Anyways, I'm just throwing my situation out there and wanted some advice on what you might do in this situation.