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Wondering about my FMLA time

deleted_user
I was in an outpatient DBT program and have been out of work since late September. At the end of October I was discharged from the program so that I have could have a tonsilectomy. I am just finally feeling better even though I have a head cold, lost hearing in one ear due to it and I have broncitus. I am on FMLA leave and my work pays 100% of my pay for the first 8 weeks and then 70% there-after.
Tomorrow I meet with a new therapist who will also be doing med management for me. I don't know if I'm ready to go back to work and I don't know how to explain this to her. I feel really guilty for saying it, like I should just pull myself up by my bootstraps and go back to work. I work in a very hostile field, a customer service rep in a call center for a bank. I found that with all the personal crises I was having to deal with at home, mostly all financial weighed so heavy on me that when I was being yelled at or given tension on the phone with customers it ended up being huge triggers. I couldn't stop crying. There were times I would pinch my inner arm to get through a call so I wouldn't cry. I have a history of SI with a significant scar that required a lot of stitches which happened almost 4 years ago now. That was a wake up call for me so if I feel I'm getting so depressed I address it before I start to fall that far. This summer it seemed I started to fall fast.
I just don't know if I'm ready to go back yet. I only just started to think clearly enough to learn the DBT skills and I've also started a new medication. I'm afraid I'd get back to work and snap a week later and have to start the process all over. I love my job and I want to keep it and I know they are willing to work with me. In January my husband and I are going to be starting IVF treatments so I will have to use FMLA time for that as well.
Anyways, I'm just throwing my situation out there and wanted some advice on what you might do in this situation.
Tomorrow I meet with a new therapist who will also be doing med management for me. I don't know if I'm ready to go back to work and I don't know how to explain this to her. I feel really guilty for saying it, like I should just pull myself up by my bootstraps and go back to work. I work in a very hostile field, a customer service rep in a call center for a bank. I found that with all the personal crises I was having to deal with at home, mostly all financial weighed so heavy on me that when I was being yelled at or given tension on the phone with customers it ended up being huge triggers. I couldn't stop crying. There were times I would pinch my inner arm to get through a call so I wouldn't cry. I have a history of SI with a significant scar that required a lot of stitches which happened almost 4 years ago now. That was a wake up call for me so if I feel I'm getting so depressed I address it before I start to fall that far. This summer it seemed I started to fall fast.
I just don't know if I'm ready to go back yet. I only just started to think clearly enough to learn the DBT skills and I've also started a new medication. I'm afraid I'd get back to work and snap a week later and have to start the process all over. I love my job and I want to keep it and I know they are willing to work with me. In January my husband and I are going to be starting IVF treatments so I will have to use FMLA time for that as well.
Anyways, I'm just throwing my situation out there and wanted some advice on what you might do in this situation.

deleted_user
ps: I am so sorry about the misspellings and typos!

deleted_user
Personally, I wouldn't go back to work until you are ready, especially if you are going to turn around and leave again for IVF treatments. Makes no sense to me. I don't know your financial situation, but people can always budget a little tighter for times like this. Then if you are going to start meds on top of it. To me it all sounds like wait. These are just my personal opinions. I wish you well.
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