Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group
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I was listing my triggers the other day as part of my new "self therapy." :-)
I started to think of things that could make me just curl up in a ball and lose it. All the ones I listed made sense given my trauma, and then something occured to me that's completely outside the trauma: White eyes.
If I see a person with solid white eyes on tv or in a picture, I have the exact same reaction as I do if someone says I ought to go have a pap exam! I have actually picked up a movie case in a rental place, turned it over, and screamed out loud when confronted by a small picture of a white-eyed zombie. Lord of the Rings has that one scene in the Dead Marshes where the dead elf opens his eyes in the water. The first time I saw it, I screamed, dug myself into the crevice in the couch, and was in hysterics for more than 20 minutes. I can't explain why. (Now whenever we watch the movie, I have to hide my eyes for that entire part, because if I don't, I still have the same reaction, even knowing that it's coming.
Does anyone else have a "random scary" that causes you to react, but has nothing to do with your trauma?
I started to think of things that could make me just curl up in a ball and lose it. All the ones I listed made sense given my trauma, and then something occured to me that's completely outside the trauma: White eyes.
If I see a person with solid white eyes on tv or in a picture, I have the exact same reaction as I do if someone says I ought to go have a pap exam! I have actually picked up a movie case in a rental place, turned it over, and screamed out loud when confronted by a small picture of a white-eyed zombie. Lord of the Rings has that one scene in the Dead Marshes where the dead elf opens his eyes in the water. The first time I saw it, I screamed, dug myself into the crevice in the couch, and was in hysterics for more than 20 minutes. I can't explain why. (Now whenever we watch the movie, I have to hide my eyes for that entire part, because if I don't, I still have the same reaction, even knowing that it's coming.
Does anyone else have a "random scary" that causes you to react, but has nothing to do with your trauma?
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I have been here before, a long long time ago and now I am back.Forgive me for not just saying what I want to say,even under a triple dose of antidepressants it is still raw and seeping and I am hesitant at revealing it as at least under the bandages around my heart I don,t have to look at how raw and wounded.My child was cleaved from my heart by his own actions. my child of ten,turning eleven...
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theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??
Though I went to a movie store this weekend, and had to get out of there soon...too many blood and guts movies, and scary-horror movies.
I just want the chic flicks.
It is one thing to know what your parents couldn't do it is another to take on the task of learning how to do it your self.
Ultimately I think we all have the capabilities to do this. It requires sincere and internal validation of our experiences and then the work can be done.
So, Yes...I used to get a stomach ache from seeing white eyes.
Reading some of the other discussions made me think maybe there *is* a connection to a trauma hidden somewhere, just not the trauma I usually think of as The Trauma. I posted a note in my journal with one possibility. My mother had a tubal pregnancy when I was 5 or 6 and nearly died in front of me. I never associate it with any strong emotions - always figured I was too young to understand how serious it was - but I'm starting to wonder.