Since I got out of my situation, I have had a real struggle with the little things in life. When I was working with my trauma theropist he pointed out that I had come too close the death and my body had gone on basic survival mode to just keep functioning.
Since I have been out I have a terrible time doing anything, my trauma T said that it didn't have anything to do with my survival so what was the point.
A big example is my hair. I use to take care of it all the time. Now it is a struggle. Part of it is the PTSD, because I definately unconsciencely try to look the part of how I looked the 10 months I was down. I don't mean to, but my weight has held the same and I look like heck.
If someone tells me to comb my hair, I about go balistic. Why is that important, what does that have to do with my survival.
Now I know all the stuff about a person needing to keeping themselves up and things around them. But they don't have any importance to me.
And someone telling me to comb my hairs is like they are not accepting me for who I am and they are trying to change me. Which would be a bad thing, but I don't understand the importance to me.
Why don't I do what I am suppose to do. People say it will make you feel better. It doesn't it makes me feel worse. It is almost like I am stripping my identity to become someone else that could be acceptable to them.
I don't know why I am like this, I wish I would quit, I don't know if it a preprogrammed reaction, if it is codepency problem, or if it is that my body and mind still operate on the basis of what does it have to do with my survival and if nothing, it isn't important.