Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group

Find support with others who have gone through a traumatic experience. Whether you have chronic or acute PTSD, we are here for you.

6 Online
6 Online

What caused your PTSD?

Hi all. I'm fairly new around here. I was just wondering if you know what event/chain of events caused your PTSD?
I'm pretty sure mine was a combo of my life's unfortunate events...death of my parents/brother all before I was 8 years old....being molested/raped for 13 years by my step-dad...severe emotional/mental abuse....but what I think really sent me over the edge was witnessing (and keeping secret) the murder of my step-mom when I was 13. I sometimes wonder how I ever survived all I've been through. I've learned that my D.I.D. (splitting into alternate personalities) allowed my mind to remain safe from most of what was happening to me. I still have flashbacks....but most of the time when I "see" the events of my life it's more like watching an old movie over again. Like...I know I've seen it before...but it was someone else that it happened to.
If anyone cares to share..I'd be happy to hear your story.

Replies

6bagsfull
6bagsfull

Mine was caused by being raised in a dysfunctional environment from the day of my birth. Parents who were only children themselves and unable to care properly for their own emotional needs, let alone mine. A Mother who, for some reason, unleashed pain anger and rage on what ever victim lay in her path. Discovering at a very early age the only way of survival was detachment of my whole person and developing behaviours which revolved around protection rather then growth. Learning how to cope without emotionally processing the trauma of everyday life.
Causing my PTSD was the easy part. Realizing I was unable to cope in this world as an adult and not having the skills to understand why or how to heal has been the difficult part. Like a ball of knotted string, the knots much easier made then released and the kinks which take time to iron out. I am very sorry you too have endured so much pain and suffering by the hands of others. Take time unravelling all your hurt and take comfort in knowing it can be done. There is nothing more they can do to us that has not already been done. There is nothing more painful then what we have already been victim too. It is the inability to find the path back to the once whole person we were that keeps us here. Follow each matted piece with all the love you deserve. Nurture every kink with love and patience, knowing beneath our fear is a gift so precious we chose to safely lock it away from all the pain this world could hold. Reunite what is rightfully yours and take glory their actions could not destroy your soul. We have not endured in vain. My thoughts are with you.
Audra
deleted_user
deleted_user

I think it was my frist marrage That statred it.I wrote some in my journal your welcome to read not all of it is there warning it migth trigger you .I have been threw lots .hugs minnie
deleted_user
deleted_user

had several traumas in my life. so there has been a culmination of events. but what broke me to finally be dx with ptsd. violent sexual attack at 23y.o. that dug up some nasty stuff.
deleted_user
deleted_user

I'm so sorry for what all of you have gone through.

Mine started as a child, growing up with a powerful abusive dad as he was a homicide detective, so there was no one to go to for help. He knew attorneys, judges, and even his co-workers and bosses have a "brotherhood" that won't be broken. No sexual abuse that I remember, but plenty of criticism, raging outburts and we never knew when, but it was often.

Years later, I thought I'd married a good boy, but he traumatized me by taking me to an X-rated movie. It upset me severely as there was violent rape, murder, etc.

I divorced and married a man who I THOUGHT just had some issues, bt nothing I couldn't fix to discover he's a pedophile. We were married almost 20 years when I found out. I wasn't in love with him when I found out, but I was still moritifed that something like that happened under my roof w/out my knowledge.

At 19, I was stalked by a rapist. He was finally caught. He died about six months ago from natural causes.

I also worked for the poilce department and saw a lot there.

At the age of 49, my mom became paralyzed. My dad threatened to kill her and then himself. He divorced her after I gt her out of his house and moved her in with me. She lived with me for 13 years. When she died at the young age of 68, I thought I was going to die too. My dad shot and killed himself 3 mos later to the day, but I haven't grieved him because we were not close. At least he didn't take my mom out like he'd threatened as she lived with me for 13 years.

To my horror, I found out my sister has a serious gambling addiction. When I tried to talk w/her, she turned on me and she had serious marital problems. I tried to help both, but they both turned on me. Never will I try to help a married couple again to see the other's point of view, so I've lost my sister too. Part of that is my fault too because I did take some pics of our mom to make copies and couldn't get anyone else to make them, so I put myself in debt to get a printer, scanner. Am almost done w/her scrapbook w/those pics, but she has the same attitude as my dad; not the abusive kind, but vindictive. She's even flirted w/every man I've ever dated...well, almost all. The last one was the clincher as I really cared for him. No, he didn't flirt back, but the fact that she's my sister really hurt me deeply.

Then, I broke it off with that same man. That's not all. ALL my furniture, even my mom's was stolen out of my storage unit...everything I owned except my clothes and some cookbooks, and my computer were gone...everything. Now, I can identify with those who have had their homes burned or flooded and all those sentimental things gone. Thankfully, my daughter had all the photos and videos. The thing is, I know who did it and he's a powerful politician. He hired two men to chop the locks off and let it all go. His brother was storing everything for free. I'm not sure I have a case because I wasn't paying anything but he didn't call me to tell me. I found out AFTER the fact. There was over $30,000 worth in there not to mention $10,000 worth of a hospital bill for me being treated for PTSD.

To top it off, my daughter with whom I'd always been VERY close turned on me after he pathetic pedophile daddy did a number on her and filled her head trying to make her think he was innocent.

I've learned that I'm her "trigger" and yes, it makes me angry with HIM all over again.

I'm trying to channel this mess into something posiive and am writing a book about it at the encouragement of my attorney, my English professor, family and friends.

Many of you have been through soo much worse. Like my mom always said, "You can always look around you and see someone who has it worse."
deleted_user
deleted_user

Got robbed at gunpoint. Two masked men back in April of 2010.
deleted_user
deleted_user

Years of physical child abuse, then I got put into a Christian school :(
deleted_user
deleted_user

When I was 12, my mother wasn't interested in parenting me, and I had switched schools and wittnessed a friends death. Then, at age 14, I was raped to lose my virginity. After a string of abusive relationships and no mother to go to for support and comfort, my self-injury took a violent turn for the worse and I was hospitalized for a month. The icing on the cake was seeing that the young man across the hall in the adolescent unit was the same one who had raped me.
magicsls
magicsls

I know mine started when I was a young child. I was the oldest of five, and the only girl. My mom had 5 kids in 8 years, plus 2 miscarriages. My dad was a truck driver and worked long hours. I always felt I had to protect my mom when he would explode on her, even though she was the one to get him that way. All the fighting and screaming and hitting did something to me. It got to where I could feel a fight was gonna happen. I do believe my problems started from there. It changed who I really am. You can't watch your brothers get beat with a belt and be okay. It doesn't work like that.
deleted_user
deleted_user

so sorry to hear everyone's stories as we have all been through some serious traumas. my abuse began as a toddler (cant remember b4 that). my father physically,mentally,emotionally and sexually abused me. my mother turned a blind eye and often blamed me for things she did only to get me beaten again. my brothers were taught that i was the scapegoat. someone to blame and hurt for everyone's frustration. my brother tried to kill me 3 times,my life was all about their abuse/frustrations. im 53 on the 25th of this month and am finally getting my life together. i have two kids who live far away and have little to no time for me. i know they love me but they have no interest in my mental illness or my recovery. course they now have busy lives of their own so i do understand. but know this there is Light at the end of the tunnel. you can get better and have a life. not just exist and LIVE. keep working towards better days!!! my prayers are with y'all!! peace
AgentSmith
AgentSmith

Wow, your story is very sad. What horrible events to endure.

I was born into a family with an abusive, alcoholic father who has Narcissistic Personality Disorder. He is a big military guy and he liked to beat me. He also hit my mother, but never my younger sister. My sister was the golden child and I was the scapegoat. I was always being punished for anything my parents could come up with. A lot of times they'd resort to making something up, just to have a reason to punish me. I was a really good kid who never got into trouble, made good grades, started working at 12 yrs old, never experimented w/ drugs or alcohol. To this day, at 30 yrs old, I've never drank, smoked, or done drugs. But to them I was this horrible misfit who needed to be punished. My sister could get away w/ far worse than I could ever imagine doing. She was never once punished in her entire childhood. Not even as much as being grounded. So i grew up always wondering why I was unlovable and not good enough. I was suicidal before the age of 10 and made several attempts throughout childhood. I lived in constant fear of when my dad would go on a rampage next. I did everything I could to stay out of the house as much as possible. At 14 I was working 2 jobs and going to school. As soon as I turned 18 I moved out and 1000 miles away to where my extended family lives, before I even finished HS. It was then that it started to become apparent that my parents were screwed up for a reason. My extended family has issues too and the abuse/control and alcoholism issues can be seen throughout my family and for multiple generations. I was never accepted into my family and never treated the way everyone else in the family is. I'm constantly picked on, criticized, verbally attacked, etc.

At 18 I entered into my 1st relationship which lasted almost 8 yrs. He has Narcissistic Personality Disorder. But I thought that since he never hit me like my dad, that it wasn't that bad. He was extremely manipulative, emotionally abusive, and passive aggressive. He was a con artist who had conned people (including me) out of 10s of thousands of dollars. He would find ways to manipulate everyone into giving him what he wanted, whether it be food, sex, a free place to stay, car parts, toys, or money. Anything he wanted. He destroyed my perfect credit and completely used me the entire time. He also cheated multiple times.

I finally left him but then fell prey to a psychopath/convicted felon/registered sex offender. This is when everything really took a turn for the worse. He stalked me for over a year, had a shrine of pics of me, was completely obsessed with me, bought a gun and was probably going to commit a murder/suicide since he couldn't have me. He was completely insane and took stalking to a whole new level. I bought a new car and house and moved, hoping he wouldn't find me. I felt safe for a few months before he sent me an email saying he knew about my car and house and also that he had bought a jetski to stalk my by water as well as land (I was an avid jetskier at the time).

I decided to go to the federal police since I am a fed employee and part of his stalking/harassment was through my govt email. This is when everything got drastically worse. I was already on my breaking point by then. The officer I reported the stalker to was a pervert, sex addict, with severe Narcissistic Personality Disorder. He used his position to manipulate and take advantage of vulnerable women. He had a very long history of sex addiction and his 1st wife had tried to get him help for it and finally left him 20 yrs ago. He was almost twice my age. He immediately began touching me, in his federal office, after closing the door. Caressing me, touching me, trying to kiss me, etc. I was completely confused and was already a total wreck from the stalker. I just couldn't even believe this was my life. He got his way with me and then moved on to other victims. This was the worse thing I went through or seems to effect me the most. I could not report him, he repeatedly told me this, because I am afraid of what he'd do to me. He is very violent, off the charts crazy, abusive, and has over 200 guns. We worked in the same building during all this so I would see him around the building after this happened. I would have huge panic attacks and mental breakdowns. I'd be crying and shaking and have to leave work. I missed so much work. And I lived in total fear of seeing him. I'd avoid leaving my desk for any reason for fear of seeing him. He finally moved after a year of this hell, he transfered to another location, a whole new set of victims perhaps.

And also, like Marie, I've had almost every thing I owned stolen and had to start completely over again.

I've also been a victim of a psychopathic landlord who broke every landlord tenant law there is, including locking me out of my own house because she was mad at me, and then attempted to sue me for $5000 in court. She legally owed me thousands in MINIMUM restitution for the laws that were broken (which she admitted to) but the court decided not to uphold the law, and to instead reward her for her insane behavior and I had to pay her some more money, on top of what she had stolen from me already. It was completely illegal. I went to court expecting laws to be upheld and justice to prevail. It was a very traumatic experience and one that left me deathly afraid of court. Nobody could believe what happened. I then had to go back to the same court/judge when prosecuting the stalker which was extremely scary. This judge has a very bad rep in this city but is the only judge. The stalker, who had committed several 1st deg felonies (illegal possession of a gun, etc) as well as federal offenses which called for about a minimum of 10 yrs in prison, was sentenced to only probation. Again, nobody could believe the judgement. It's like this judge favors criminals over victims.

In short, I've attracted a lot of criminals, psychopaths, and narcissists my entire life because of my childhood/family. I am a walking victim and they can spot me a mile away. I am trying to change that but it is hard. I basically went through 18 yrs of "victim training camp" I call it.
deleted_user
deleted_user

The legal system stinks. It angers me to see how many of you have suffered at the hands of abusers. What I've gone through is nothing compared to what many of you have suffered. It's like one of my aunts said...it's my own pain.

For me, I'm understanding more and more of what trauma is all about. It is helping me heal too, even though I have days like today when I miss my estranged daughter so much that I can't stand it and I thought I was doing pretty well with that.

I awoke early one morning when I was about five years old to my uncle beating my not only favorite aunt, but a pregnant aunt. She was crying and I guess that was the actual first really traumatic thing I experienced. I kept quiet about it for many years because she didn't seem to want to talk about it as she asked me the next morning if I slept all night. She was pretending everything was okay, but I heard her crying when he beat her with a belt and then her ran past me to cut the cords on the TV because he said she forgot to pay a bill because she was too busy watching TV.

He continued to beat her until about 15 yrs ago and he then beat his teenaged daughter too. He beat my aunt so bad that she called police this time and they made pics. I couldn't look at them, but my mom and sister did. He married a woman 17 years older and she recently outlived him as he died just a few months ago. I didn't attend his funeral.

To this day, his daughter is constantly talking about how much she misses him. I don't get it. Where is her loyalty to her mother?

I'm so sorry for what you all have been through. I wish I could wave a magic wand and stop the pain. Mine has gotten better except for missing my estranged daughter.
deleted_user
deleted_user

I've had ALOT happen but the main thing was finding my uncle after he'd killed himself.
He'd been dead a week and was decomposing. Me, my sister and aunty found him in his house. I was 16. I just turned 28 last week but i still feel 16. That event has basically stunted me emotionally. I don't feel i will ever get past it.
deleted_user
deleted_user

well, new to here also.... hoping maybe a higher power helped me find this site as i have been in a bad relapse and fighting to hold on -- i am told that my ptsd began from childhood abuse that began before i could talk and continued in all forms until i my parents split when i was 17...but the emotional abandoment and abuse still continue to this day if i have contact with my father and mother... then i would say that life has just added insult to injury...from abusive bf in college to abusive husband who probably molested our daughter when she was 18mos...also hit by a drunk driver 4th dui) while 5 mos pregnant and 2 broken bones in my leg, almost lost my life and my baby didn't move for 72 hrs after the wreck...then traumatic delivery, infection, csection, baby toxic in neo natal icu for 10days, abusive husband.... then he had an affair...kicked him out in 2005 (can't really remember 5-6mos) after that and then a 3 1/2 custody /divorce lawsuit that finally was decided by a judge...from there isolation.... then more life ...just keeps on, and on and on....
deleted_user
deleted_user

so now i am only a shell of what i once was and feel like i am shattering inside and the mental anguish is unbearable. i once was a professional in the medical field making almost 90k per yr; now this disease has robbed me of so so much... i am now a single parent, afraid of my disease and on disablity for it. i am ashamed at what i have been reduced to... i always believe good would win over evil; but i am battling with that now.
deleted_user
deleted_user

i was kidnapped at the age of 4, taken to a crack house where i was thrown against a wall and yelled at for several hours. when i was kidnapped, i was taken at gunpoint from my front yard. my mom screaming. my dad (who i really didn't know that well, he was a violent drunk and a crack addict) screaming back at her, he threw me in the truck. his friends at the crack house got mad at me because i found a bag of cocaine and it busted all over the place. thats why they threw me off the couch and into the wall.
my mom remarried and my step brother was a few years older. he began molesting me when i was 7 or 8, he would make me sit on his lap and watch porn. then he started touching me. he held me down and raped me in front of his friend when i was 10. then (possibly the worst part) he offered me to his friend.
during the time he was molesting me he also beat me and emotionally abused me. i buried all the memories until i was 12. i thought it was all happening at 12 until i realized he was moved out already. i was really confused.
i developed ptsd, an eating disorder, OCD and i could not be at home. i moved out at 12 and lived in an abandoned building. there i got into alcohol and smoked a pack a day.
i was raped again at 16, this time it was date rape. but it hurt a lot. i crawled away after, into my friends room and he let me cry into him without asking me what happened.
i was almost raped at 17, i kicked the guy in the jaw and he fell down. i went into my brother's room and stayed.
there are more events that were traumatic but these are the ones i flashback to, weird i guess. my ptsd was caused by several unrelated events.
i hope you can learn to heal from all the bad things you've been through.