I hate the word rape first of all. That one word makes me remember so much. And I wish I could forget. But I can't.
What angers me the most is that I feel like I'll never be able to have sex in the future. My perception of sex is all fucked up now. In my mind it is disgusting, painful, dirty, non-pleasurable, gross and just wrong. Not for other people. Just for me. And I HATE that. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I HATE IT!
I also hate that it is up to me to fix this shit. I didn't rape myself, but im the one that has to clean this up? Fuck that. This is what mortifies me. And the memories. Don't get me started on the memories.
Hi y'all I've been doing fairly well today with my anxiety .. but I was wondering if anyone still notices physical syptoms that still creep up even when not too anxious.. like I always have tinges of pain in my chest.. arms..neck ..etc.. or burning in my chest off and on .. Does anyone else experience this as well?
I had heard the word before from therapist but it to be honest I never even knew what I meant. Then I looked it up and I thought, "oh crap that's me."Has a history of abuse. Has a history of being the caretaker for a parent at a young age. Taught my needs come last.What I don't understand is I've been in non codependent relationships. None of them were longer than 6 months but I broke up with all...