I am not sure why I asked to see a caseworker I guess I have a free service with them since I see a ther at rape crisis center for free I assumed they could help me find a nice 55 plus community , I went to a very large city for the apt, and OMG I came away pretty grateful,, I walked into a room full of disenfranchised folks and some guy on his phone ranting about how the docs were killing him with meds she came out and we sat and talked for a long time ,,, young woman who gives vouchers etc and has a background in counseling social work she said rich and poor come in for vouchers well I really don't need vouchers I have a good income being retired from teaching VA and I have SS from 30 plus working years she sees that as high functioning and it is the trauma that has done the damage is the assault and the selling of my home I am not homeless or poor and she sees me as fairly high functioning which I am nothing was addressed she said wow I have never met such a resilient person and you have achieved so much you should tell your story or write a book LOL well, no not now lady I have severe ptsd from being raped and the ptsd went untreated because I was too ashamed to get a rape kit and go to treatment at the time due to my age and I lived with it untreated and then sold my beloved house in duress had no support because it was damn rape and nobody talks about it and I just happen to be gay , LOL it is laughable because nobody I mean nobody acknowledges a sixty year olds cry for help from ptsd caused by rape and the rape just opened up many old wounds lady the issue is I have no family I used to have friends and family but I got raped rape is so horrific and the abuse it causes is so long enduring they call it rape trauma syndrome I do have that we relive it over and over and so it is ptsd and you all know what that is , I am sure if it happened to me when I was younger and all that good stuff I would have rebounded better however older women are not really validated for this ,, nobody wants to acknowledge their mother or grandmother could be raped it is repulsive to others and then you can imagine how I felt,, any life stressor after the rape has been bigger than normal , I did not make a solid normal decision selling my beloved home or buying this one it was done in ptsd panic mode of survival I DIDNOT WANT TO BE HOMELESS and it happens a lot to women after rape years of domestic violence and here I am not being taken seriously because as usual she is a retired teacher veteran well dressed well spoken and she needs no help,,, so here I am maybe I should just do what she says and become a freedom fighter or something seriously was a waste of time , I can do this on my own , so I called a nice place and it is a 55 plus active community with many activities yoga many classes one bedroom apt I really believe I can do this but not without all your continued support, you all understand this even better than a so called case worker ,, in other words I am too strong or stable or what ever for that service so be it,, back to therapy DS AA and my own inner strength this is enough of the rapist winning the shame winning the childhood demons winning ,, but no matter what this is PTSD and I am in the right place with my DS family I care for all of you thanks so much for helping me get back into the land of the living FREE
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