Up to now, I have had no real problems teaching in a Catholic School. I am Methodist, but have always looked at the similarities. But today as I stood in front of the entire student body during mass, I just wanted to leave. I felt like such a phony. I lead the singing as usual, but only felt empty. I could hardly look at all of the icons around the church. I felt guilty that I no longer felt anything when I looked at them. In fact a small part of me felt pity that these people really believe that God will take care of them and they have nothing to fear. I know what fear is. I believed, but did that stop things from happening? I know what pain is - emotional and physical, but did God take it away even though I really believed he would? I don't know if I can teach at this school next year, with my current thinking. I already signed my contract, but I may have to renege on it and pay the fines. Keep in your thought and prayers, just needed to vent.
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