Went to bed thinking, "tomorrow will be a good productive day"

Woke up and found that my mind won't stop with all the thoughts and hard as I try to take control of the thoughts and actions - I have been unable to.

So I do the same stupid time wasting events as the day before, or the day before that. Soon a week has passed with no real "work" to show.

Then I think that it is okay to take a little break. But the break continues.

New memories come to my mind and obsessive action starts up again.

Crazy how a group of people (father, grandfather, cousin, and some other unidentified people) can cause such an effect on a person. Even after such a long time.

I think it has gotten worse as time has went on.

I just want to focus my mind on work, get a productive day completed, then repeat that for the next 4 or 5 days.

Instead I am lucky to get 1 or 2 days of partial productive activity and then a week of nothing. Well nothing but dwelling on memories that are coming back to me.

I think some of my personalities are finally letting me have back memories of childhood. Which is good because I want to know what happened and then get to a point of forgiveness and then move on.

Problems is there are so many that are flooding back that I am paralyzed.