TW: tomrrow my appt for intensive treatment progrm
...screening. and my big concern is what if they don't accept me? that would be the end of the line as i see it. as i see it that would mean that there is no treatment for someone who is incurable - me. so i wonder, should i be honest or careful? my therapist says to be honest. don't change truths to try and be what i think will get me accepted. and you know, that while i'm doing whatever to try my best, i will have my hijacker trying to ruin everything. so i'm a bit worried. people don't understand that for me, it is really difficult to do things the way i want when my hijacker wants different. people listen to me and then say i should do this or do that. and i keep saying i can't because my hijacker won't let me and that doesn't sink in. people try to tell me that my hijacker is me and that if it is me then it is i who won't let me. i know that. but i don't know how to make me move if hijacker says no. then there is the frustration factor. i found it intensely frustrating waiting these past two weeks for the appointment. i was already waiting a couple weeks before that for a telephone screening. ok so then i made it through round 1. maybe i'll get through round 2. i'll let you know what happened in the evening. wish me whatever i need to be wished.
i can't be negative though. i really willl try.
i have family coming to town tomorrow and i'm not doing well about it. at first i went straight into a big tailspin when i found out. it wasn't even that they were coming but in the way i was told they were coming - there was a sort of suspense about it. it messed with me. anyway, i'm feeling less bugged about it, but still a bit uncomfortable. there is no way to see what might get...
OMF ing G ACCEPTED
So i kinda dont really know how to start off or what to post
I was born and raised in the USA until my missionary parents took me to where they served in a war zone in South America. That made me bilingual and bicultural forever after that, in addition to giving me the gift of PTSD from age 9 when we all survived a carbombing in one of South America's funny, dirty little wars nobody up here every heard about.I made the most of that funny, dirty little...