Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group

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TW: tomrrow my appt for intensive treatment progrm

...screening.  and my big concern is what if they don't accept me?  that would be the end of the line as i see it.  as i see it that would mean that there is no treatment for someone who is incurable - me.  so i wonder, should i be honest or careful?  my therapist says to be honest.  don't change truths to try and be what i think will get me accepted.   and you know, that while i'm doing whatever to try my best, i will have my hijacker trying to ruin everything. so i'm a bit worried.  people don't understand that for me, it is really difficult to do things the way i want when my hijacker wants different.  people listen to me and then say i should do this or do that.  and i keep saying i can't because my hijacker won't let me and that doesn't sink in.  people try to tell me that my hijacker is me and that if it is me then it is i who won't let me.  i know that.  but i don't know how to make me move if hijacker says no.  then there is the frustration factor.  i found it intensely frustrating waiting these past two weeks for the appointment.  i was already waiting a couple weeks before that for a telephone screening.  ok so then i made it through round 1.  maybe i'll get through round 2.  i'll let you know what happened in the evening.  wish me whatever i need to be wished.


i can't be negative though.  i really willl try.

Replies

freefalling
freefalling

I wish you do the very best that your are able. I look forward to your update.
extraterrestrialone
extraterrestrialone

thank you, ff. i will update too.
lilmissy7
lilmissy7

Good luck tomorrow, & yes definitely be honest with everything
Healing hugs
jewells1
jewells1

ET,
Be honest with them, they are not mind readers and trust the process. List what you know /are relatively sure of, for sure. If you have to pull and print your posts here and highlight the for sure truths, with one color and the possible beliefs with another,,,, and then when asked what you think later. A separate list is the actions you have tried , including medication and any in house treatment that you feel didn't work, also what did and why you continue or discontinued it.
Not everyone has adverse reactions to medication or method , but some do. This will help them , help you.

You are almost as good as I am about analyzing and finding the most minute exceptions. That is my most well developed coping mechanism, but also my stumbling block.. But it's not helpful in this situation.

Support and I hope this works out for you to get the help that helps.
J.
extraterrestrialone
extraterrestrialone

thanks thanks
lovebombyourself
lovebombyourself

Waiting is so difficult. I'm waiting right now to find out what is going to happen iin my situation. Be honest. It's so hard, but it will help you in the long run. I was very honest today about something that I had so much fear around. It felt good and things worked out. Thinking of you. I truly am hoping the best for you. I completely agree with jewells1. Great advice and insight. ❤️❤️❤️
extraterrestrialone
extraterrestrialone

t y v m
silverlight
silverlight

wishing you the best....get some rest tonight if you can.
we will all be here to listen when you get back from your appointment...
extraterrestrialone
extraterrestrialone

Scared thanks
donnawanda
donnawanda

Good luck. Tell them about the hijacker. I really hope you get in. But if you don't, read that book I've been recommending before you give up!
extraterrestrialone
extraterrestrialone

Thanks
Community Leadermujicaptsd
mujicaptsd

Hey, ex, this is what I've been asking you about all week. Glad it's happening. Yeah, as donna says, tell them about the hijacker. If you need to prepare, read the posts you've written here. Rooting for you!
extraterrestrialone
extraterrestrialone

Thanks
extraterrestrialone
extraterrestrialone

TW: well i can't sleep, CANT SLEEP so i might as well write something here. first of all i want to thank everyone for the support. i certainly need it. and being awake now (since 3:30) is nothing unusual. it is not like today is the big day and i'm awake in terrified anticipation. its just normal. and i'm feeling the effects of a past self harm thing which is not good because it is registering as my hijackers insistence that i fail terribly today. it is so weird that even though beina awake isn't unusual, my hijacker's behavior is. its like it has showed up for the party and it thinks its the guest of honor. "how dare i" it asks me. and then says "oh, very well". do you understand this? this is how it behaves. this is what i live with all the time to one degree or another. this in not just a simple nightmare. it enjoys the trials i will have to endure today. and it lets me know it. how could i have been cursed with such a mind? but this paragraph is show and tell for my hijacker every bit as much as it is a desperate plea to forces i don't even believe exist that i be helped and rescued because i don't have the faith that i can manage this on my own today. that i'm losing the battle of control of my body and mind. when i just want the simple things, being freed of a tyrant and be able to live happy. i'm sorry, i can't be alone so i have to write. and i can't be with becasue i have a skull as a barrier. now its 4:28. i can try for an hour more sleep and my hijacker says "its not gonna happen - today is a special day and i don't want you to miss a drop".
extraterrestrialone
extraterrestrialone

forgot to say. i'll keep trying though. i will.
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