I remember one of the videos that I discovered the man who raped me liked to watch. It was a vertical impalement. There was a small village in a place which resembled to one in Africa and there was a man who raped virgins in that village. He got caught by the people from that village. They did a ceremony and then they proceeded to do that vertical impalement. I watched and listened how that very long wooden stake which was sharp on one extreme, penetrated his anus while he was hanging from a wooden stick, I cannot remember if he was tied or with nails on that stick, and then the stake came out from his mouth, from which blood came down and think blood came out of his eyes too and after a while he was dead. I cannot remember more now. I think the people celebrated afterwards. They seem to have said him some stuff before doing the impalement during the ceremony. The video's title was: "This is what happens when you rape virgins" and he shared that video with his friends, which included doctors and psychiatrists. This still stirrs up things in me and my stomach is not OK now. I didn't know that he was raping me.... Also feeling a blockage in my throat. What type of people were the other doctors and psychiatrists who watched this video and similar ones? Were they a sex abuse ring?
My thoughts got slower for a very long time after watching those videos, this happened at the end of the sexual exploitation. I remember that one of those psychiatrists with whom he shared these types of videos was well-known and one of the best ones from here and one doctor worked in the best hospital. The man who raped me told that doctor how to sexually manipulate his girlfriend and the 3 of them were going to meet once to eat together. The man who raped me wanted him and me to watch pornography while he raped me.
I've had small panic attacks before, but the one I suffered a few weeks ago, has left me traumatised, I literally thought I was dying that night, my whole body expelled all water through sweat, my mouth went completely dry, lips cracked, couldn't breathe, felt like I was going to be sick, then I ended up in the floor of the bathroom where I lay thinking I was going to die. Since then i have never...