Yesterday I ended up in the Emergency Room with an ulcer. They had to do a chest x-ray to see if there was any extreme damage (there was not). I didn't think about where I took myself to the E.R. I just went to the one with which my doctor was affiliated. When I entered the x-ray room, I was flooded with memories. This is the x-ray room in the E.R. where I had gone countless times after my ex-boyfriend beat me up.
He used to throw me on the ground and nearly break my neck. Every time we would have an argument, which would happen often, I would try to leave the apartment, and he would block the door. He is twice my size. When he would block the door, he would throw me on the ground. I would land on my back or my neck and we would both be horrified and rush to the E.R., the very E.R. where I was last night. f course they would do an x-ray when I would get there with him. I went dozens of times and each time he would say he was sorry. It went n for 6 years, then we broke up. Now I'm in a good relationship and came out as gay.
But my point is, it all came back to me last night.
The memory of that trauma of course triggered earlier traumas.
And I spent the night at the E.R. feeling so anxious I was worried they would call in psych. I had an I.V. in my veins and I started to have flashbacks right there in the hospital because of it. I couldn't sit still.
Luckily I was discharged and when I got home I prayed a bit and went to sleep. I was in touch with my sponsor, too (I am in O.A.) and that helped.
How do you deal with body memories / flashbacks in the middle of the public space?
I am in therapy for my eating disorder but not PTSD. My girlfriend really wants me in therapy for PTSD. I still live in the apartment where he hurt me and I am always reminded of it.
i thought this was a nice story to wake up to.https://www.goodnewsnetwork.org/customer-tips-hair-stylist-after-lockdowns-lift/
You know it's bad when you can't find a movie you haven't seen. I am watching more TV than usual with this quarantine. What are you watching?