Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group

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Triggered

deleted_user
deleted_user
I was very badly triggered early this morning. The trigger not to be blunt, happened in bed and, it was unusual for me in that I was really into what we were doing and I felt really good. Then it hit me out of nowhere and I went into a full panic attack like I haven't had in at least 10 years. Chest pain the whole nine yards. My partner was very good about the whole thing. He knows my past, in fact he is the only person I have ever told the whole mess too (yet) and he did deep breathing and talked me down then stayed with me until I cried it out and fell asleep. I am totally freaked out about this now. I was in a position that has never ever bothered me before and I knew I was with a safe person/ safe place etc I hadn't lost where I was. How do I deal with him tonight when we are both n from work when I am so embarrassed about my freak out. I feel like I put a lot onto him without warning and all he had wanted was a happy night night. I don't feel like I was fair to him and at the same time I had no warning it was coming so I couldn't stop it. Any advice?
deleted_user
deleted_user
Please don't be so hard on yourself. I've had this happen before many years ago. I would focus on the area that your partner was loving and helped after it happened. I know it can be difficult to deal with, but he could have been imcompassionate, but he wasn't, sounds like he was loving. It's not like you planned for it to happen. I don't know what else to say. Just love yourself and take good care of yourself. Take some deep breaths. It's going to be okay.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I think it is clear from his response that he cares about you and that all that mattered to him was a happy night - that just meant being there for you and holding you last night.

No reason for awkwardness. Just a lot of reasons to love him more and thank him for caring about you. :)
deleted_user
deleted_user
Thank you, you are both very right. We talked about it a little bit a while ago and everything is normal for him, all the awkwardness is in my own head! I wish I could just get rid of all these things that are so attached to me but stem from so long ago. I feel like I hold myself back by my own head noise. I have been told that the things we struggle with in this life are a lesson we haven't learned yet. I wish I knew what it was so I could just get it over with.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I've learned that some of the lesson is just letting it come and then letting it go.

Look, it came to you and then you spoke with him and now that fear flows away. Each day you can lose a little more of it as you focus on how he reinforces your safety net. That's very special. :)
deleted_user
deleted_user
Wow, well-said, Brilliante! I will try to remember that phrase "letting it come and letting it go."

It happens to me sometimes, too, Solong. I don't know why, either. Thankfully, you and I both have wonderful, loving partners. I try not to overburden him with trivial stuff, but I know if it's bad, he'll be there.

You know what I do after? I bring him home a half gallon of his favorite ice cream as a thank-you. Men like that better than flowers, or so I hear. ;-)

Blessings,
Wistala
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deleted_user
Hi- I agree with angelladdie- you are so hard on yourself! Well I am also so that's easy for me to say. I am also SOOO lucky to have a partner who rides all this out with me and just holds me until I am not so PANICED. I NEVER thought I'd be able to tell him my 'whole mess' much less the PTSD thing. I have often felt as just plain icky and awkward and embaressed as you! It sounds like you also have a fabulous partner- it's WE who think we are a burden, I found out ( and am still learning!) that they just do not consider it anything but loving us. Gees! Who knew? Well it's sometimes still hard for me to accept but they just keep on giving and it gets so much easier to share all this ICK with them!
God bless-
Harveytherabbit
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deleted_user
I can relate to this. I remember feeling such shame that my ex had seen me in trauma like this. I didn't want him to see how "broken" I was. I didn't want our sex life to be tainted with the sick feeling I had around the incest.

My ex was not able to be supportive in a healthy way. His response was anger, because he took it personally. He was a very shame-based person, too. That is why I can say how lucky you are to have a lover who is trying to be supportive in a healthy way. That is a blessing.

You do have an opportunity to do some real healing with this man. I believe you can fully reclaim your sex life and enjoy it without any shadows from your past.

Good luck and be kind to yourself. It's OK to be where you are and feel what you do. You can move past it.
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