Hi:

What's going on? There's lots of transition going on here. So bear with me as I think out loud.

I finally got my PC system set up at home. So now I'm backing up files, redoing my resumes and getting ready for my 10-day trip to San Francisco to get as many job interviews as possible. Long-distance hunting hasn't worked well. Now it's time to go out in person. I have a counselor there who's helping me with job leads and other things. My apt. lease is up 5/1st and I want to give my notice 3/1st.

The problem with getting EMDR treatment here is no job, no one at my insurance co. knows what EMDR is OR their own policy re:it, and 3 out of 50 therapists here who do EMDR but won't talk to me. That leads to some possibilities:

If necessary, do covered EMDR treatment here and a survival job until it's done and then go.
If I can't get it covered here, then go elsewhere.
If the West Coast job comes through, go there w/work, treatment(hopefully covered).
If no job comes through there then go abroad for treatment. This means a short/longterm medical visa. Then, either land a new job there(and switch to a work visa). Or the medical visa runs out and I have to go. Where to I don't know.

I'm scared for many reasons. I've been homeless twice abroad because of PTSD. Under ENORMOUS stress I went cold into a new area twice and found a new job. The bad part was that the new jobs were worse than the previous ones. And I will NEVER go through that again. On the other hand I really don't want to stay here in a dead-end situation. Also this new momentum has helped to lessen my symptoms some. But they're still there. And the full reality of how PTSD has hurt me is hitting me like a sledgehammer.

Why does it have to be so f*****g hard to get help? I have survivor friends abroad and they're amazed with the s**t that goes on here. I told them that here in the land of "the best health care in the world?" I have to go abroad to get the proper help. So for now I protest in some ways about Iraq and all the other s**t that the neocons are doing. I can't save the world and find a new job all at the same time :).

I'm trying every angle I can to protect myself, move and get help. Is anyone else going through this? If yes how do you cope? Also, is EMDR considered "alternative" or regular treatment. The feeling I get is that it's still "experimental" (even though lots of therapists use it). And the insurance cos. will fight covering this until the bitter end.

Thanks for hearing me out.