
Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group
Find support with others who have gone through a traumatic experience. Whether you have chronic or acute PTSD, we are here for you.
Tips for PTSD Family & Friends

deleted_user
So, we were talking and realizing that there are a few wonderful people who have found there way onto this board in order to learn about PTSD and how they can better support their loved ones who have it.
We have all talked lots about how little is out there for them and how much it frustrates us as well. So, how do we find a better way to talk to them about what we're feeling, what we need, when and why?
Well, what a hard question, right? But definitely easier when we have time to think about it and read other things which help us realize specifics about our own needs. So, I will start by posting some info from a journal which got me thinking.
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I have a Question?
I have Been sending Positive things(books, poems, positive articles,cards,etc) to the person I am supporting with PTSD. I also told him i was trying to educate my self more on PTSD and about this web site. And in out last conversation on the phone he told me I really didnt have to do it and the positive things really didnt help much. My ? Is this his way of trying to push me away. Any Comments or help would be great.
We have all talked lots about how little is out there for them and how much it frustrates us as well. So, how do we find a better way to talk to them about what we're feeling, what we need, when and why?
Well, what a hard question, right? But definitely easier when we have time to think about it and read other things which help us realize specifics about our own needs. So, I will start by posting some info from a journal which got me thinking.
----------------JOURNAL ENTRY----------------------------------------------------
I have a Question?
I have Been sending Positive things(books, poems, positive articles,cards,etc) to the person I am supporting with PTSD. I also told him i was trying to educate my self more on PTSD and about this web site. And in out last conversation on the phone he told me I really didnt have to do it and the positive things really didnt help much. My ? Is this his way of trying to push me away. Any Comments or help would be great.
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As someone with PTSD, "honestly" helps you? In an ideal world, what do you want to happen? More importantly, what will you actually "allow" others to help you with?
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Um, I don't find positive things useful, mostly because I can positive talk for myself. Sometimes, I find all that stuff fake and pushy and cliche most of the time. What helps for me is just reaching out to talk or spend time. Not talk about my illness, just be a friend. I think the greatest help is when someone else brings normalcy. That's what I really want to find.
If you want to send him things, maybe send him things that are insightful and interesting rather than pushing "happy cliches" at him. Like, I find the info about Alice Miller "helpful" and "useful" - it has a practical bent. If it came with a note "I thought this was interesting. What do you think?" then I would be all over it. If I got a book of poems and happy faces, I would just ignore it.
I like coming here and reading people's research and thoughts and questions. It's also nice to find similarities in our stories and be reinforced.
I don't know where he is at, but maybe you could ask him for feedback. I wouldn't call him on days he has counseling. I would talk to him late on the day after. There's this thing called "decompensation," which means we retreat and hide for awhile. It's a way of letting the body calm down. Like, today, I am just hiding inside and being quiet because I have done so much for a couple days in a row. I have given myself permission to do *nothing.* It takes this weight off my shoulders. Yeah, anything that would take a weight or a burden away is SO helpful. The two most helpful things I have had recently, was an offer to go on vacation and just get away for awhile and my neighbor and then my friend suggested we go to the bark park. Getting away from everything and feeling "normal" for awhile is just nice. Taking care of the dogs removes so much guilt. When my dad makes calls for me and takes care of following up on car repairs, social security, getting my case manager to get a me a therapist already, pay for vet care, gets my car fixed and registered, my aunt went with me to get it emissions tested, an advocate said she would call and get the community college to fix it... all these things I found help and a true "gift."
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Nope.. don't know a soul that has it.. heard of it but that's it. So you can't work because why?
SO what happened in order for you to develop this?
I see.. I guess I still don't understand why you can't work...
Ok.. I don't understand it at all and know nothing about it.. was just curious is all.. what is it that prevents you from work?
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I just want to jump out and yell inappropriately. But, that chases away a friend, although it CLEARLY illustrates the problem. Lol! :)