I'm sorry you are having a hard time.

I hope you'll talk to someone. I hope you'll reach out to the people in your life. I hope you'll talk to your counselors.

I hope you'll call for help.
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-TALK

I just started on Geodon. That with the Inderal in combination and I finally feel myself. So, there's hope. You just have to let the light in. You just need to find a "carrot" to keep you moving. :)

While I can not say that I know your pain, I can tell you I understand your pain. I have had my own times of feeling such emotional pain that I saw no reason to continue.

I have a thought from a different angle for you. What if your life was meant to live for your daughters memory? One of the things that rang in my head during times of extreme hopelessness was knowing that my mother lost her life too young and was not able to show the world who she was or what she had to offer. In much the same way your daughter died too young and was not able to show the world who she truly was. Maybe your reason for being on this earth , reason for pressing on is to represent the life of your daughter. Allow her to guide you and strengthen you. She is here with you-you just can't see her. I believe my mother is with her and in this moment as I am typing to you the two of them are together nodding their heads in affirmation.

Your time is not finished here. We never know when we are able to rise up to be with our loved ones, but until you are with your sweet daughter you need to allow her to live through you - shine through you. Look deep inside- she's there!

I hope that my words were able to offer you some sense of peace. You are not alone!

I know some of what you are going through, although I have never lost a child. Anniversaries and birthdays can be a particularly bad time, because the date is an automatic trigger. When it coincides with a holiday, it only doubles the pain. We buried my dad the day before Father's day, so Father's day has been particularly traumatic for me since.

It would be a good start to share the letter you wrote with a PTSD therapist. One that engages cognitive process therapy typically uses this type of activity to help draw out your feelings and your triggers. Once you become aware of them, you have a better chance of managing them.

Giving up and surrendering to this disease is not something you should do. While I doubt that you will ever look back on this trauma with anything but pain, time and therapy will help you deal with the triggers that keep sending you there.

I sent you a message, thought I could help you more in Private.My prayers are with you.

I am so sorry you are in so much pain. Please don't give up. Many many years ago I gave up and hurt myself. I'm still here and am so thankful. Sure, things can always be better, but I wouldn't trade these past years for anything, I've grown so much mentally, emotionally, etc. Plus it sounds like you have another daughter that is still living. That's a reason to keep pushing. I used to hang onto my niece and nephew when times were hard. I knew they loved me and would be crushed if anything happen to me. I hope you will continue to reach out and call a therapist for help if need be. I have you in my thoughts and prayers. love, vickie

I am so sorry to hear about your daughter,which I am sure makes this time of year rough. I understand your chronic pain though. Noone can find an answer so they just drug you. I have the same problem. Hang in there. ((Hugs))

Thank yoi all for your responces, I have done alot af thinking and I mean alot. I know Hannah needs her Mommy she is only 6. After crying non stop for most of the day,I promis my good friend I would call pshy Dr. in morning. Thank you all.

But, you still have a daughter here that NEEDS YOU!

How would she feel if you died?
Awful to say the least.

Things look dim and grim right now, but maybe there's something that can make you feel better.

Are you on the RIGHT meds?? Some meds can make PTSD worse. Go talk to your PDoc ASAP.
Get in with your therapist ASAP. Talk with your family.

Please don't think suicide is the answer...see how broken-hearted you are over your one daughter??

How would your other daughter feel if you left her on this Earth alone??

You CAN fight...Pick up the phone, get in with your Pdoc, therapist...and if you need to, call the hotlines.

Bless you.