I could ramble on about the abuse I have suffered in my life, and the impact, but the fact is that all that matters is how I am now. I am alone in this world. People dont often realise that when I say ALONE I mean utterly alone. I have no family and friends, I am totally alone. I pushed everyone out of my life two years ago as I couldn't take the abuse any longer.
Probelm is, that I am now too afraid to let anyone in. I dont leave my house except for fitness reasons, and other essential reasons. I am too afraid to start to live again. Scared of everything and everyone. I get as much as I can delivered to my house so that I just dont have to deal with the anxiety that life brings.
But I am very unhappy. I just want to connect with someone. Someone who actually looks forward to talking to me. Who appreciates me, who I can appreciate. Loneliness has pushed me to reaching out online to talk to others. I have tried to join "friendship" sites but have found them full of guys just wanting sex. I just want a friend. Someone to crack jokes with and enjoy conversation with.
Share... to share my life with. I am not looking for love... I am too broken to trust another in a relationship. Why is it so hard to simply find friends???
i moved here with him.Yes that was my choice.But was that the right one?My best friend had said she was worried he was trying to isolate me...And i knew no one here,i still don't.He would get so mad when i went to a poetry reading or an acting class.So i made no friends.He knew i went to ALANON.i should have kept that a secret.i felt like i couldn't go anywhere.Meet anyone.Just stay at home and...
I feel sooooo much better than I have been the past several months! My mood has been really severly unstable.. I was sobbing hard core everyday.. I had suicidal thoughts.. like REALLY intense emotional pain. Like, I would rather have the physical pain that I had when my appendix exploded (which really f**king hurt!) than ever feel that deep emotional pain again.I think the Seroquel really helped...