I could ramble on about the abuse I have suffered in my life, and the impact, but the fact is that all that matters is how I am now. I am alone in this world. People dont often realise that when I say ALONE I mean utterly alone. I have no family and friends, I am totally alone. I pushed everyone out of my life two years ago as I couldn't take the abuse any longer.
Probelm is, that I am now too afraid to let anyone in. I dont leave my house except for fitness reasons, and other essential reasons. I am too afraid to start to live again. Scared of everything and everyone. I get as much as I can delivered to my house so that I just dont have to deal with the anxiety that life brings.
But I am very unhappy. I just want to connect with someone. Someone who actually looks forward to talking to me. Who appreciates me, who I can appreciate. Loneliness has pushed me to reaching out online to talk to others. I have tried to join "friendship" sites but have found them full of guys just wanting sex. I just want a friend. Someone to crack jokes with and enjoy conversation with.
Share... to share my life with. I am not looking for love... I am too broken to trust another in a relationship. Why is it so hard to simply find friends???
I been hiding it for a long time hoping it would just disappear. I feel like im drowning with it. I cant stand it i am so overwhelmed right now. My Dr yesterday when i said im wondering if i feel like i have the flu and she said no my blood works perfect for the first time in 15 years, i been seeing her 2 1/2 years but she went back on my records, other than my a1c is a lil high but im diabetic....
We speak the same language.......but our countries are so different......I thought you guys had no access to health care unless you were rich .....but it looks like, despite the difference in our health care systems, so many of you seem to have accessed counselling......I have never had any