I could ramble on about the abuse I have suffered in my life, and the impact, but the fact is that all that matters is how I am now. I am alone in this world. People dont often realise that when I say ALONE I mean utterly alone. I have no family and friends, I am totally alone. I pushed everyone out of my life two years ago as I couldn't take the abuse any longer.
Probelm is, that I am now too afraid to let anyone in. I dont leave my house except for fitness reasons, and other essential reasons. I am too afraid to start to live again. Scared of everything and everyone. I get as much as I can delivered to my house so that I just dont have to deal with the anxiety that life brings.
But I am very unhappy. I just want to connect with someone. Someone who actually looks forward to talking to me. Who appreciates me, who I can appreciate. Loneliness has pushed me to reaching out online to talk to others. I have tried to join "friendship" sites but have found them full of guys just wanting sex. I just want a friend. Someone to crack jokes with and enjoy conversation with.
Share... to share my life with. I am not looking for love... I am too broken to trust another in a relationship. Why is it so hard to simply find friends???
i've opened the box. my demons abound.now i have to sit and close my eyes. "I'm okay. right now in this moment. I'm safe. No one is hurting me."mantraI am okay. fake it till you make, say it like you pray it, try it before you buy it, and my favorite, chuck it like you... never mind that last one, negative thinking is not allow now.I am alive. Three little words such big meaning. I am a survivor....
Proof.... This is nothing compared to what I usually get and I will not post them on a board. When I get worse I will be reporting as suggested. And ya,, I did adjust my settings to not show me this stuff on Google. Still getting it. I do not visit sites like this, I do not watch stuff that would lead these ads in my direction. Other friends get this stuff too