Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group
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Do you ever figure out that some things trigger you so subconsciously that you didn't even realize it?
Yesterday I saw my therapist and the first thing I told her was that I hate Halloween.
She asked why and I shrugged and said, "I don't know, I just hate it for some reason."
She talked me through it, how I used to like it and now I hate it, and we pin-pointed that I stopped liking Halloween after/around 2001. I was raped earlier in the month in oct 2001.
We figured out that it brings back all of the memories of that horrible time in my life, not having any help or support but needing, needing help so badly and being all alone with this huge secret... trying to go to a halloween party with my friends and hating it that one of our "friends" had raped me and I couldn't tell anyone...
it was huge for me; figuring out that's where my dislike of halloween stems from.
Has anyone else had any realizations like that? times or places that trigger you and you didn't even realize they were triggers due to PTSD until you really analyzed it?
Yesterday I saw my therapist and the first thing I told her was that I hate Halloween.
She asked why and I shrugged and said, "I don't know, I just hate it for some reason."
She talked me through it, how I used to like it and now I hate it, and we pin-pointed that I stopped liking Halloween after/around 2001. I was raped earlier in the month in oct 2001.
We figured out that it brings back all of the memories of that horrible time in my life, not having any help or support but needing, needing help so badly and being all alone with this huge secret... trying to go to a halloween party with my friends and hating it that one of our "friends" had raped me and I couldn't tell anyone...
it was huge for me; figuring out that's where my dislike of halloween stems from.
Has anyone else had any realizations like that? times or places that trigger you and you didn't even realize they were triggers due to PTSD until you really analyzed it?
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theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??
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I'm trying to exercise daily. I was doing fairly well until I sprained my ankle 2 weeks ago but now I'm getting back on the horse. Today I walked over a mile with my arm weights that are about 22lbs total. I was out of shape and it was hard on my arms. I also did my 30 situps. I'm also going to drink a lot of water and try to eat healthy. I do tend to have a sweet tooth but I'm cutting...
Quite a few years have passed since my therapist said that. Now I do have lots of times when I feel grounded and ok.
But it is weird to look at all those years and years when I was almost always in a dissociative state and didn't even know it -- I just called it life.
My second husband would often comment on my heart rate being so fast. I went to the dr. and she said my heart was fine. I realize now it was because I was constantly being triggered by his behavior. I was very confused during this marriage. His treatment of me was also abusive, and it fit a pattern that I've just realized matches my first husband and my father. So how about being being abused in the present, having it trigger abuse from the past and being dissociated from both?
Another one was just realizing how scared I had become of therapists. It just hit me that I was being triggered every time I went because of a bad experience with a therapist about 15 years ago. I think there are many things going on like this with me. I have had them called "blind spots" by therapists. I don't know if I am talking about the same thing as you are.
indeed, the body does have its own memory.
I haven't settled to really look into anything.
Interesting though you were able to track it back...hopefully you will be able to replace a happier memory in October instead...like TORI AMOS!!
I just found another one, actually, this week. My husband has made a vet appointment to have our pup Wistala spayed. I had to get off the phone with him because I was at work and could feel the tension building up to a flashback. On the drive home I cried miserably. I couldn't figure out why it should bother me - after all, it will be better for her, and we have an unneutered male (her dad) here, and don't want anything *unexpected* to happen.
Then I realized it's because I feel I'll be sending her off to a doctor that will do something similar to her that happened to me to start my PTSD. It will also be taking away her "choice" of whether to have pups later... Silly, I know it is! But after my trauma, I never wanted to have kids... That "choice" was taken away by the trauma. Egads, now I'm cryin' again. Grrr... I wish I'd just toughen up and get over it already!