All that hope turned to mush. I should stop reading/searching so much and just wait for therapy to do whatever it’s going to do.
What’s confusing me is counseling.
I see my filter. I know it’s not my job to limit his anger. That’s not my role as wife. But it feels like my role as self because I’ve seen red flags. Is she saying those red flags are in my head, that being grabbed and not allowed to take space or leave a room is normal? I disagree... Was I just supposed to stand my ground and hope he’s not like others? Just keep being bold and wait for it? That feels unsafe. I needed the reminder that I am not what I’ve been through, but aren’t there some ways a filter is helpful? Knowing that he’s operating through a filter, does that excuse his behavior?
Sorry I haven't been on DS lately. I fell and broke my right shoulder. Waiting for the last week to see the orthopedic surgeon for my MRI results. I'm right-handed, so I've been trying not to use my shoulder as much as I can. I'll let you know the results, some time after tomorrow. In the meantime, I've been off work for going on almost 2 weeks (I'm on disability, but count on my part-time job...
Im not good enough. I cant meet peoples expectations. Its so difficult for me to face i may never be good enough to cope with holding down a job. Its not a case of being well mentally. Its a case of getting rid of my autism and thats not possible.TWFeel like i should just get rid of myself right now.