To summarise my whole life I've pretty much been ignored till eighteen. Then I had some male attention. Then for a short period things seemed improved before I got ptsd.
People started off saying I was crazy, bad, abuser that's why they were hating me, refusing to give me therapy and trying to cut me off from everyone.
So, it was pretty upsetting to be told by so many your a bad person. But I wanted to know why people didn't bother with me, so id stay in these places waiting for them to produce reports and inform me of what I was doing that was so bad and abusive.
It turns out that university only had my label and fact I did id been upset for a number of years as evidence of my being bad.
I went to a group therapy place where everyone attacked me relentlessly for months, saying that they would treat me better if I behaved better, that I would be getting the stick until I changed.
But they never actually told me what I was doing that needed to change? My therapist even accused me of having anti social personality disorder before shouting at me for asking him about it
Even my own family hate me, my brother says I ruined his childhood, my dad said he didn't want me in family therapy, my mum says she didn't feel love for me
My niece at eight months old called me stupid and tried to steal me phone!??
I do my best to be nice to people and have fun and be supportive,I
I get told that "iam the nicest person they have ever met" and "great fun" and made me "feel safe in my distress" yet iam constantly met with the reality that no one wants to know me. And quite frankly alot of people treat me badly so I don't want to know them either
I've come to the conclusion that iam not a bad person, I've observed how I treat others for many years now and I have good intentions.
So....... What is it? Why can't I form relationships?
I do have a long term bf he assures me im good company, must be for us to be in it for life .... I just mean friendships and places in general?
Apology to all I have offended in recent days. I am on a roll. I have resumed carrying my salt shaker so that my foot tastes better when I stick it in my mouth.Off to my cave now. . .