To summarise my whole life I've pretty much been ignored till eighteen. Then I had some male attention. Then for a short period things seemed improved before I got ptsd.
People started off saying I was crazy, bad, abuser that's why they were hating me, refusing to give me therapy and trying to cut me off from everyone.
So, it was pretty upsetting to be told by so many your a bad person. But I wanted to know why people didn't bother with me, so id stay in these places waiting for them to produce reports and inform me of what I was doing that was so bad and abusive.
It turns out that university only had my label and fact I did id been upset for a number of years as evidence of my being bad.
I went to a group therapy place where everyone attacked me relentlessly for months, saying that they would treat me better if I behaved better, that I would be getting the stick until I changed.
But they never actually told me what I was doing that needed to change? My therapist even accused me of having anti social personality disorder before shouting at me for asking him about it
Even my own family hate me, my brother says I ruined his childhood, my dad said he didn't want me in family therapy, my mum says she didn't feel love for me
My niece at eight months old called me stupid and tried to steal me phone!??
I do my best to be nice to people and have fun and be supportive,I
I get told that "iam the nicest person they have ever met" and "great fun" and made me "feel safe in my distress" yet iam constantly met with the reality that no one wants to know me. And quite frankly alot of people treat me badly so I don't want to know them either
I've come to the conclusion that iam not a bad person, I've observed how I treat others for many years now and I have good intentions.
So....... What is it? Why can't I form relationships?
I do have a long term bf he assures me im good company, must be for us to be in it for life .... I just mean friendships and places in general?
Im feeling worried because on Thursday my mom wants us all to pray togther because my sister is leaving for college soon. Group prayer really is not thing. Also the last time I was involved in a group prayer I was verbally attacked by my mom. Also she told me at the beginning of the week and now I have time to anticipate it. The same thing happened last time and it led up to my mom verbally...
I'am not a good writer so bear with me.I am in Mexico City at the moment. I meet a man from the US also who tells me he is in Mexico City trying to get his child back.He says his wife a Mexican lady took off to Mexico with the child left him with his grandparents and went back to the US alone taking the child's passport with her because she doesn't want the child anymore and that she was hittng...