There is no safe if you aren't safe from yourself. What does it do to a person if you stop their thoughts, their conscience thoughts with medication, does their unconscious mind take over, what lies beneath for someone who subconscious has never seen light? When I used to sleep I was conscience knowing all the time what was going on, aware that I was sleeping and dreaming and in control of that fact, not the dreams per say they were still random but always based on some anxiety or known factor of my psyche. But what about the unknown, the parts that I've never experienced now have control over my mind while I sleep and I am not aware and do not know if this is real or what it is at all, I'm not allowed in. I wake up exhausted and feel as though I have been emotionally drained and cannot even concentrate on the smallest thing like taking a shower. Where have I been, it frightens me. And every night I become afraid when it is time to sleep, I'd rather stay up and be exhausted physically then let whatever happens when my eyes close happen. Am I reliving it all. My dreams used to be about not being in control and always searching, searching for someone or something but never finding it. I can understand this when I'm awake but is what I'm living now in my sleep so much that I cannot even know or remember what it is or do I and I am protecting myself from it, again. I just want to live my life once for once. Anxiety and fear are different things, anxiety heightens your awareness and makes you aim for something or wears you out but fear, fear is unknown, fear of a thing is conscience and can be overcome but fear of the unknown how can you do anything about that? I feel like there are monsters living inside me, people I don't know or don't remember maybe.
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