I was diagnosed in Sept with Prostate Cancer. The PSA count was 7 which was cosidered serious. Having a 50/50 chance that I would not survive my surgery (heart) I had to face my own mortality. I feel cheated. I started have outburts of anger. My body was feeling violated again. I was dieing and never have really lived. I survived the surgery but started obsessing about what was happening to me. Every code blue could be me. 10 days after my surgery they busted a blood vessel in my bladder removing the catheter. I was hemoraging into my bladder requiring a second life saving surgery. My bladder was coming out of my abdomen. My ptsd was raging and spinning out of control by now. The smell of the hospital had me physically ill. I had tubes coming out of my stomach and other parts of my body and the idea of more personal injury had me as frantic as I have ever been since my diagnosis. The additional tubes didn't come out for almost 8 weeks after the first catastrophy. Flashbacks and nightmares dominate my recovery. I can not avoid triggers that are so close to the real thing. My childhood was dominated by broken bones and hospital stays for other violations. More drugs always seem to help a little. Time seems to be helping some. I wish I could move on. I am cancer free but I can only feel violated.
Posts You May Be Interested In
I miss traveling with my husband. Has anyone found a specific site regarding cruising for widow/widowers or any sightseeing trips. Not interested in being with couples and kids,,,I realize a cruise ship will have a portion size of families and couples, but perhaps they also put together a part of the cruise ship for groups of widows/widowers????
A friend sent this to me..As far as I can see, grief will never truly end.It may become softer overtime, more gentleand some days will feel sharp.But grief will last as long as Love does - ForeverIt's simply the way the absence of your loved onemanifests in your heart. A deep longing accompaniedby the deepest Love some days. The heavy fog mayreturn and the next day, it may recede.Once again, it's...