Growing up I had a pretty decent childhood. However my teenage years were very tough, It started when my grandfather (who was like a father to me) died in a freak tractor accident on his farm and I was there when the ambulances came. I also was born with a birth defect where my left uterine horn was not connected to my cervix and it would fill with blood as I menstruated. I was constantly asked by doctors if i was pregnant because i was having contractions that were similar to birth contractions during my period over the course of 3 years, but i was a virgin who had never even been kissed before. I had to have life saving open abdominal surgery when I was 15 years old, it was a C-Section cut. A year later I went over seas to my mothers country and I was sexually assaulted and emotionally and mentally abused by my 30 year male old cousin when I was 16 years old. He got me involved in smoking, drinking, and drugs. He would touch me and molest me when I didn't want to be. He some how convinced me that he loved me and that he was going to take care of me but it was all lies. He kept sending my pornography through emails while I was in high school. Due to laws not coinciding with my country of citizenship and his country I could not do anything legally about what happened. And I haven't seen my cousin in 5 years. The abuse came at the worst possible time in my life because for the last year of high school i was numb... I started college and then dropped out because I was started getting flash backs and being haunted by what happened a year ago. It was very sad because I was in therapy a lot. I managed to find some jobs, and eventually I started community college and managed to get a bunch of credits together. But I then had a problem with promiscuity, I would sleep with lots of guys because I didn't care about the consequences. Before the abuse I was very athletic and a straight A student. After the abuse I started doing poorly in school, gained 20 lbs and dyed and cut my hair. Like I said I smoked cigarettes a lot and got in bad relationships. But then somehow things changed when I met a boy 2 months younger than me when I was 20. He had also been traumatized by domestic violence and till this day i suspect that it might have been sexual abuse in his house. We began spending time together, and my parents accepted him and let him live with me in the apartment on our property. I lost interest in the abusive men I was seeing. I then became loyal to my new boyfriend. We believe in monogamy and a loving equal relationship. He knows about my sexual abuse and has helped me to overcome it. We plan on getting married in a few years. I quit smoking. And I am going back to school part time for this semester and full time for next semester. I should be finishing school by Spring 2012 if all goes well. I am taking care of debits and getting over some bad habits that I used to have, like cutting my hair, spending money on silly things, eating junk food, not taking school seriously. I have become dedicated and focused. thanks to my boyfriend I have learned that my body is beautiful and not to be ashamed when I look in the mirror. I do believe that everyone has their miracle in life, and that I have found mine. I feel that I am almost done on the road to recovery. I am looking forward to completing college so that my boyfriend and I can someday have a house and children. He would like to work towards a degree in psychology. Things are good for me now. And I want to let all those who are suffering from PTSD that there is light at the end of the tunnel! Keep your head up and things will turn out ok!!!!!!!!!!
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