I saw my therapist today, first time since the middle of december. It was rough and the 45min went by so fast. I was a blubbering mess when I left. He wanted me to come in again on friday but I can't get transportation scheduled on short notice. I have to call 48 hrs in advance to get a reservation. If you don't call right at 7am then you're most likely not going to be able to get a reservation. So I set my alarm at 6:56 and 6:59. and pray that I can get a seat when I need it. There have been several times when the schedule is full by 7:20.
I called my therapists office and set up appointments for twice a week for awhile. I'm not adjusting well. Today was the first day that I acctually got out of bed, showered, did my hair and put on light makeup. I've been so miserable I just can't get out of bed. Plus when I'm sleeping I don't have to deal with life. Everything goes away for a bit. So much crap happened at home during christmas while I was back at my home town. I'm being flooded by memories, flashbacks, nightmares and severe dissociation. I feel like I'm out of control when it comes to my alters coming out, especially when I'm unaware of whats happening. But... This is the best I can do right now.
I am going to need a lot of support until my next appointment which isn't until next week. the twice a week appointments start next week. I should be doing a bit better after I start twice a week. I'm overwhelmed and miserable.
PTSD overload UGH!!!!!! I had nightmares and flashbacks like crazy last few days and after last night i thought ok im doing it im writing out in detail like my therapist is pushing the attack and i just got done and im just shaking right now but i did it no one has ever known the details....... Sitting here shaking and crying, wrote out very descriptive the rape and leading up to it etc i cant...
im still new to this site so I’m not sure how this all works as I don’t usually do forums but after one post last night I got a number of wonderful responses and encouragement. Today has been ok for me and I even spent some time journaling so I’m just throwing out a friendly invite. If anyone is having a tough day or even a good one and wants to tell a story or just be listened to please...