I saw my therapist today, first time since the middle of december. It was rough and the 45min went by so fast. I was a blubbering mess when I left. He wanted me to come in again on friday but I can't get transportation scheduled on short notice. I have to call 48 hrs in advance to get a reservation. If you don't call right at 7am then you're most likely not going to be able to get a reservation. So I set my alarm at 6:56 and 6:59. and pray that I can get a seat when I need it. There have been several times when the schedule is full by 7:20.
I called my therapists office and set up appointments for twice a week for awhile. I'm not adjusting well. Today was the first day that I acctually got out of bed, showered, did my hair and put on light makeup. I've been so miserable I just can't get out of bed. Plus when I'm sleeping I don't have to deal with life. Everything goes away for a bit. So much crap happened at home during christmas while I was back at my home town. I'm being flooded by memories, flashbacks, nightmares and severe dissociation. I feel like I'm out of control when it comes to my alters coming out, especially when I'm unaware of whats happening. But... This is the best I can do right now.
I am going to need a lot of support until my next appointment which isn't until next week. the twice a week appointments start next week. I should be doing a bit better after I start twice a week. I'm overwhelmed and miserable.
Want to share a good thing, last August did a DNA test and research and found my biological mom. I we have hit it off, but I live in Maryland and she lives in IL. She is coming out to see me for a couple of days in July. The only bad part I have not started my diet. Just gaining weight because I am totally depressed and anxious. That furthers my depression and self-hate. Sorry, was...
ok so i like this guy went on two dates with him but there is a red flag. he really likes me and has made that obvious, but i just met him last Monday. like i think hes falling too fast. he says i make him feel special. one thing he said was he wants to know everything about me. and that im amazing. also we work together so thats another thing. hmm not sure what i should do. i told him i want to...