I saw my therapist today, first time since the middle of december. It was rough and the 45min went by so fast. I was a blubbering mess when I left. He wanted me to come in again on friday but I can't get transportation scheduled on short notice. I have to call 48 hrs in advance to get a reservation. If you don't call right at 7am then you're most likely not going to be able to get a reservation. So I set my alarm at 6:56 and 6:59. and pray that I can get a seat when I need it. There have been several times when the schedule is full by 7:20.
I called my therapists office and set up appointments for twice a week for awhile. I'm not adjusting well. Today was the first day that I acctually got out of bed, showered, did my hair and put on light makeup. I've been so miserable I just can't get out of bed. Plus when I'm sleeping I don't have to deal with life. Everything goes away for a bit. So much crap happened at home during christmas while I was back at my home town. I'm being flooded by memories, flashbacks, nightmares and severe dissociation. I feel like I'm out of control when it comes to my alters coming out, especially when I'm unaware of whats happening. But... This is the best I can do right now.
I am going to need a lot of support until my next appointment which isn't until next week. the twice a week appointments start next week. I should be doing a bit better after I start twice a week. I'm overwhelmed and miserable.
You don’t know what ANIXIETY is UNTIL YOU TRY TO LIVE IN THIS FUCKING WORLD BEING DEAF. This is 2018 and 99% of all Businesses and Corporations DO NOT HAVE ONLINE CHAT FOR FUCKING DEAF CUSTOMERS. ONLY A PHONE NUMBERA FUCKING PHONE NUMBER FOR DEAF CUSTOMERS TO CALL
Does anyone have a lot of anxiety over making changes, like life changes? Trying to control the outcome of a change, whether it be change of where you live, new job, starting a new course of study. A lot of my anxiety and stress at the moment comes down to financial stress (which is understandable) yet I have irrational fears, for example my lease is running out in about 3 months time, yet I fear...