The other day my husband and I got pulled over by the Police, , we were not aware a truck like ours had just been stolen. so two Police offices come up to our truck, My husband is a big guy he used to play football. anyway these two Police oficers come up to the truck, and give the talk, License registration. I go to reach the registration out of the glove box and the "COP" pulls his gun out. I freak out. I didn't realize my PTSD of Police was still in affect. because I have been pulled over before for speeding.
But I start cry and screaming, No! leave me alone, my husband says calmly, calm down honey they just need the registration. My husband try's to explain, but they ask him to get out of teh vehicle. he is my support . I am terrified no. The other cop see's I have a huge swollen black I last week I had an accident, I went to put a load of laundry into the washer. I lean over beside a cardboard box and suddenly I scream. I get poked in the edge of my eye with a file, my husband moved some tools downstairs and didn't realize a large tool a file about 18 inches long witha three inch long tip 1/2 inch was poking out of the box. Well hence the black swollen eye. the cop who is beside me says mamm, do you want toget out of the vehicle I say no please back away. He says mam, I can get you help. I still am freaking out because of the cop and Uniform. My husband and the other cop talk all is fine, he calls the other cop back and says I have PTSD because I was kidnapped and raped and beaten by a cop years ago that I knew. the cop says okay so tell me sir why does she have a black eye. Now the other cop says what. Okay stay here to mu husband . he comes to the door and says, Hello mam, your husband told me about your PTSD so I will stay a ways away, but can you explain the black eye. I tell him. it's the same story as myhusband so they figure it's okay but they given me a spousal abuse number and card. My husbdan comes back and says you need to get counselling for that we can't have you going nuts if a cop comes to the vechicle. By this time I am hyperventalating my husband has never seen this so he thinks I am having an asthma attack and takes me too the hospital. I reufuse to leave the vehicle. I say go home now.So finally he takes us home. After about 45 minutes I explained tohim what happened.
I don't want to start counselling again , i know what they will say you need to see men in the blue uniform regularly, so this won't happen. I haven't had this happen in 20 years, so why it happened know. I explain to my husband you have to realize I was held hostage , raped and beaten by a cop, often he had his uniform on andI was threatened with a gun.. I don't know if seeing the gun, and the uniform set me off, but it did. chances of that happening again are slim. My husband knows the whole story of what happened to me how I was stalked and had to go to a women's shelter with my son, and go underground for three years. Because my ex kept finding me until We had identity changes. This is not a common story. I live beside a cop see im all the time.
But now I keep having nightmares, I don't want to tell my husband, because he's be go back on meds, and see a pysch, or counsellor. I am a counsellor now I know all the things to do. I just don't know why after twenty years this happened.I keep telling myself it was because of the gun, but I wonder myself. Anyone have any ideas? thanks Casey
I don’t feel real. Nothing feels real or alive. I just don’t even know what to do for myself anymore. I feel like I can’t survive this I feel like it won’t get better.