Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group

Find support with others who have gone through a traumatic experience. Whether you have chronic or acute PTSD, we are here for you.

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deleted_user 03/05/2011

Persistent Fear of Death / Avoidance

Its been 4 years now; since it happened. I guess Ill tell you the whole story, if no one knows. About 4 years ago, I was about to start the nursing program, the weekend, I was moving home; I watched a car full of people flip several times , on the interstate, at 80 MPH, before hitting a tree. I stopped to help. There was a Teenage mother and her infant, who were ejected, as well as her bf; the mom and baby died; before help arrived. I took this to heart and tried to go on to do nursing. But the guilt of not being able to help them was too much. The surviving members of the crash contacted me, later on; we have kept in contact; but its difficult. Although I have moved on, and changed careers , to do something positive with my life; I feel as though my persistent fear of death; continues to get worse with each passing day. Everyday, when I wake up.. I pray to God, asking to please watch over my family and friends.. even though I know DEATH is an inevitable part of life - Im just not ready to say good-bye to anyone I love yet..
With each passing ambulance, and helicopter, each news story about a horrible crash, I find myself clenching my fist, tearing up, holding my breath in silence, just PRAYING that whoever is in that next wreck.. isnt someone I know.. someone I love. Its gotten to the point where I dont watch the news anymore, I dont want to read the paper. And I just dont know how to deal with this. I was seeing a counselor, and I feel like this is something I need to work through..

My question was.. HAVE ANY OF YOUWHO HAVE BEEN IN TRUAMA REALTED ACCIDENTS ; OR EXPERIENCED ANY KIND OF DEATH.. DELT WITH THIS.. PRESISTANT AVOIDANCE OR FEAR OF DEATH.. AFTERWARDS? HOW DID YOU GET PAST IT? IS THIS NORMAL?

TwilightStar 03/05/2011

Well. The trauma Ive been through is a very different thing than accidents / death. But I just wanted to say that It is really understandable that you would be so affected by what happened. And its definitely really affected your life. Get a good therapist, and be kind and patient with yourself. You can get through this.

deleted_user 03/05/2011

Thank you.. Its just so nice to hear.. someone say something other than" wow, I dont know why this has effected you so much".. I try everyday to NOT let it effect me, and then I think, I watched 2 people, a baby.. die in my arms.. - and there was nothing I could do to help them ; but pray. How could it possibly NOT effect a person?

deleted_user 03/05/2011

The kind of trauma you describe is one I can empathise with. I have twice had to deal with with people with very severe injuries,being the only one there. I was lucky in that one person survived and one died in hospital later but it was a terrible trauma that gave me feelings of impotence, guilt and responsibility.
I do recommend therapy. I have found just talking it through helps so much. Especially to understand that one's reaction is justifiable and usual. I hope this helps, if only to make you feel less alone.

deleted_user 03/05/2011

Thank you Hannah - that means a lot to me -- to hear my emotions and feelings are justified.. and to know im not alone; and someone else has been through similar circumstances.

When I first went to seek counseling -- they asked me ..
1. Are you a solider?
2. Were you sexually assulted?
When i said no to both; they said they looked at me with this puzzled look, and said.. hmmm.. well we dont have a group for that?
As if PTSD, was a new diagnosis! ..
I should mention that , that was the point in my life, where i swtiched majors , from nursing to social work; and now and in the last semester of my degree ; working towards mental health ..

deleted_user 03/05/2011

Yes. It is best you not hear the details. The details will be up on my website sooner or later.

RICHARD

deleted_user 03/05/2011

How about a little one? Most of my life I have been deathly scared of women. Most of my life I been ferociously hating men and that being my shield against my horrible fear of men. I was wrongfully imprisoned by a corrupt judicial system and those in it that had a grudge against me. I was confined with the two things I fear most. I was confined with men. Not only was confined with men, but with brain damaged violent men whose damage came from the outside by abusers. I was surround with violent men who could quickly give me legal reason to kill With my utmost efficiency in having people, especially men to hate me I knew I would get killed being surrounded by quickly triggered violent men. I lived through that although not physically unscathed. At home, whenever I heard a car door close, a siren, anything out of the ordinary, I froze in fear. Time and general therapy not specific to that fear I became not so jumpy. Once in awhile I still freeze up but not too often. Shortly after of false imprisonment, I listened to an old foreign woman complain about the quality of yummy looking bananas. It had been a couple of years since I had the freedom to choose much less have, I surely did not fettered my tongue and gave her a quick verbal lashing.

RICHARD

deleted_user 03/06/2011

I can understand your amazement at the lack of provision. Here in the U.K. it has taken me a two years wait to see a therapist specialising in trauma but it has been worth the wait.Although I doubt I would have got there at all if I had not been able to tell of a life that has been fraught with other,more common traumas,as well and kicked up a fuss.
Is there a provision for any counselling at college that you could access ? In the meantime do keep using this site as feeling like a lonely oddity is not good for one. For me journalling has been a great way to both vent and to gain insights and I can recommend it.
Getting past it is hard, as it was easy to feel singled out to be the one who had too deal with stuff like that. For me, being there twice, in two separate incidents, seemed beyond chance. It does become easy to feel targeted.
But I have found it helpful to think I tried to give aid and perhaps eased someones condition a little by holding them and giving some human comfort.We both did what we could at the time and that was all we could do at the time, I think.
Being triggered by similar events is pretty normal for Ptsd and one can learn to cope with this and the panic and anxiety that goes along with it all in time.
You have my sympathy and I hope this helps.

deleted_user 03/07/2011

Thank you Hannah. You are right.. And actually yes. My college; USF ; does offer A wellness program; which offers Free counseling to students. I also have acess to a counselor; through my mental health program; I think this is something that I feel is validated enough now; that i should consider going back to talk to someone about..
Im glad that im not the only one who has these feelings.

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