I try. I try so hard. I have a great husband now. He understands as much as he can and he is very loving. I just have nightmares all the time. My nightmares have kicked it up a notch. I didn't even think that it was possible. I feel like I am sinking. Every night I have to escape my experson all over again. I wake up sick, angry, hateful. Last night in my dream he kissed me and I pushed him away. I was stuck in my old bedroom trying to remember how I escaped the last time. I could feel his beard and I hated him. When I woke up I felt dirty and sick. How does my brain relive all of this and why. Why does it torture me. I want to be free. I want to be free. I want to be free. I can't escape my mind and apparently my brain is an abusive asshole too.
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