Last night, I saw my 17 year old daughter has posted, she, her sister, her boyfriend, her father and Lindsey had gone canoeing and to the movies. I don't know why it happens, but whenever one of the girls that my ex was involved with over that last 7 years gets named, especially the last one, Lindsey, I go into a tailspin. I get angry and all the violations come back. It is like I am in the moment all over again.
The thing is, I have a new life. I don't need to feel this way. I am married to my high school sweetheart and my romantic life couldn't be better. So why do I go back to the hurt and betrayel whenever I hear he is having this girl at the house with my daughters? He doesn't want to be anything but friends with benefits. He was hanging out with her and smoking weed, not coming home until after midnight, when we were married. Then, after I called it quits, he moved in with her and established a more satisfactory relationship. Then the girl bailed because, well, she is only 25 and he is 37. I shouldn't be mad, but he has told me stuff about their sexual relationship and after everything I have been through with him, I wish he would stop chasing young girls and find someone new who is closer in age. Someone who might be a good stepmother to my daughters. I know he wants her for just one thing, he told me as much 2 weeks ago. Why did I have to know that? What form of abuse is that? Why do I flashback to the emotions? I hate him and wish I had left 13 years ago when I originally tried to leave. I stayed and have a beautiful daughter I wouldn't have had, that is why.