Thanks for sharing this. I am very fond of Alice Miller ever since I read The Drama Of The Gifted Child. I still have attachment problems or should I say fear of abandonment issues. I've had years of therapy with different people and found it to be very helpful. But I still think everyone is going to go away. Thanks for sharing this. I'm off to start my day. vickie

You can read the story at http://www.alice-miller.com/readersmail_en.php

I sent note to Alice Miller and she is my guide at times

Wow, thanks for sharing it. This is an awesome website!!

Look for the forum at http://www.topica.com/lists/ourchildhood.int

Both my mom and my dad were abusive as divorced parents. I seemed to be the brunt of the other's mis-placed emotions or whatever. All I know, is my mom made some attempt an amends and so the last 7 years of her life (she suffered a stroke) I was able to support her, albeit ambivolently, and even help her through the dying process, which was utterly amazing not only to myself, but to those people who knew us both.
As for my dad, he remains in complete denial and I finally crossed him off the list last year and it was the most adult thing I think I've ever done.
When I say crossed him off the list, I mean that I have forgiven him, I bare no resentment and I love him with Agape love, but I have not involvement with him because he has no good information for me.
I think a reasonable amount of fear about abandonment or rejection is natural for kids who grew up abused.
JMRH

Thanks for sharing this...

This pertains to me, I think, as I deal with my Denial Mom. I have felt myself detaching from her recently.

Alice Miller has been discussed a lot lately on here...and she has some books out that could really help. I plan to look some of her books up to read myself.

I like all books from Alice Miller but I learned a lot from "the body never lies"

I totally relate to this. I am constantly searching for the unconditional love I should have received as a child and never did. I end up falling fast in relationships because I want to be loved so badly. It always comes back to that primal need of parental loving that I never really experienced.

I also have a hard time seeing a family together. I'm thankful they have each other but I can't help but wonder why I couldn't have that.

Church is the worst. I quit going altogether. I wish I felt differently, because I used to really get a lot out of going to mass. Now all I can think of when I am there is what a loser I am that I have no family that gives 2 rips what I am doing with myself.

This is such a painful area.

This relates to me too and realising our parents had problems too is helpful. Trouble is many of us jump into abusive relationships with people with just as big or bigger probs than ours to try and fill the void and just end up perpetuating the cycle.

Hummm.. I would stand in the distance and watch when a father would come home from work. How the kids would run across the lawn hollering DADDY DADDY with there arms held out and the dad would hold out his arms to greet them.
Mom would be standing in the front door way smiling as she watched Daddy lift the children into the air with a smile and joy in his actions.

I would desperately want this in my family but could never figure out why I couldn't do what he did. Alway wondering, why was I alway so afraid of my own family?

I always swore I would NEVER hit a woman like my father would beet up mom and I never did. Was I trying to protect my own family from me? and my fears? I believe I was even if it would mean losing them.

This is just a couple of the things I have thought of since my family left and I have gone threw many years of counseling.

ustrol, I do the same. I am scare to hurt my family and my kids. Its getting better but not were I want to be