rita..your words are a bit confusing to me. If I am understanding you correctly you are crying (cheated on and left) and that is supposed to be triggering to him??? Just because he had trauma in his child hood. Sound to me like he is causing you the trauma and is not being straight and caring towards you.

HMMMM. so here you are asking about his trauma...so when does he take responsibility for his actions & life???

Crying is not a crime and if he has left you then why wouldn't you be crying?

HUGS

I think it would be normal for anyone to cry in your situation. Your husband left, he has another woman. He can't make up his mind if he wants to come home. Where are you in all of this? I would cry if I was going through this. Sounds like you want him back and you are worried about your crying. It's okay to cry. Crying is cleansing to the soul and spirit. I don't know if your husband has PTSD. I don't know enough about him and only he would know that with the advice of a doctor. I'm more worried about you. Even if you were triggering him per say by crying, that's on him to deal with. It's okay to cry, It's okay to cry, It's okay to cry.

Nah-he's being manipulative and doesn't want to face his responsibilities to the pain that he is causing you with his indecision. Crying is what people do when they are hurt. Let him sort out his own F.O.G (fears, obligations, guilt) and tell him you're not walking around lost in it anymore. *hugs*

Yes, your crying is triggering excuses-and poor ones at that.
If this is an example of being responsible why doesn't he do something to stop your tears like stop hurting you? It's not my fault, you are making me do it is the classic excuse of the abuser to the abused. I cant work out where honest and loyal fits in with cheating on you either.
You have good reasons to cry.

You have to look at things, actions, situations. Not just listen to the narratives people tell you. You say he has been responsible, loyal and honest. But he cheated and moved out. The words, ones he has no doubt taught you, contradict the action.

It is common. It happened to me. I heard the words "I love you. I'd do anything for you." Heard them every day. Yet every day turned to be about my ex's issues and dramas. And below the radar, every day was about abuse. I could not see it. It made no sense. Couldn't believe this most special person in my life could be hurtful, let alone hateful, let alone twisted and evil. But such was the case.

Whatever the root cause of your PTSD, someone like that feeds it and grows it because it serves their purposes.

I mean damn, he treated you like that and now he's tell you, that you haven't the right to cry? Does he think you have the right to breathe, then?

Yuck.

The drama is all about his issues. He sounds like a cluster B to me, a BPD or NPD.

Hi sister,

Whether or not he has PTSD does not excuse him from treating you like a doormat! None of us on here (hope I can speak for everyone) would treat someone that way and claim PTSD as an excuse. We all have to be responsible for our choices. He's playing you... He knows he's keeping you on the hook while he waffles about which girl he likes better... Is that a hook you want to hang on?
I can already see what may happen next. You're going to get fed up with him (finally!) and tell him to $%^& off - Hooray, good for you!
Then he's going to pull another guilt card just like the one he just pulled on you. When you tell him you don't want him anymore, he's going to call you a few days later and say he's having thoughts of suicide. Yep, I've heard this all before. Don't buy it. Tell him to do whatever he wants to with his life - It has nothing to do with you.

It's time for you to hear what your real friends are saying: He's a psychological abuser who is feeding off controlling you emotionally.

I wish I were there to give you a big hug and to tell him off myself!

Meanwhile... Is there something in your own past that you are avoiding dealing with? It sounds like he knew exactly which strings to pull. You might benefit from talking with a therapist while you build a new and better life for yourself. In the meantime, we are all here if you want to talk here.

Blessings,
Wistala

I am thinking the same things as the others who have responded.
Hugs to you.

Hi Rita
I read and must agree with the others that your husband seems to be triggering you. No matter what his condition is there is no problem with crying my therapist wants me to cry as I have trouble leting it out. It is good for you to release that way and not hold it in. He is the one that messed up he should not be putting demands on you. Go ahead and cry you will feel better about it in the long run and its about you not him.
Take Care Grant