The problem is due to childhood complex PTSD I find relationships hard, Im not a person who makes friends easily And most are sick of me being sick by now.
I have an intensified feeling of Malaise and Melancholy depression. Im not sure if the opiates are making it worse with up and down dopamine and endorphins then a slight withdrawal before I pick up my weekly scripts on a Saturday/Sunday its at its worst as I begin to use tiny amounts i have left before pick up on Mondays.
Cold turkey use to be easy, but I think my tolerance to Morphine is so high now Im truely dependant.
I really need to get back to work so I can at least have a home in my country before Im too old. Im determined to fix my back and work for 10 years, save enough for my house, my fishing boat, my dog and an investment property so I can live off that until my pension kicks in at 65.
We are voting Cannabis next year, I firmly believe it will pass. I know which strain I need. Its a sleep muscle relaxing seed. Then I can give up all these horrid pharma meds. Prior to those I used Alcohol, but my body seems to be allergic to it now, I drank enough for 30 life times in my teens, 20s, 30s haha. But we all find coping mechanisms.
If I get my little holiday pad up north by the holiday spots, I will be happy, I can just join a club etc. Or a few, and maybe 1 or 2 beers on Rugby nights. But Im mostly scared of old age loneliness.
Hi - My therapist recommended this book. Thoughts?
Today, I live in fear. I'm free from my past physically, but I continue to wait for the other shoe to drop. I'm learning that trauma lingers and I'm also in a state of fight or flight. Sometimes I feel like I'm going to lose everything and everyone. Being with a new partner has been healing, but when I'm not doing well with my trauma, I start to read into things and fear the worst-I fear...