It's so hard to move on from multiple traumas since childhood onward. I was forced to grow up without a family bc they abused me so bad. I was treated like I didn't exist when I wasn't being abused. It has effected me and my life in every way possible. I haven't been able to have anything that resembles a normal life bc of this despite years of therapies and medicines plus self help practices. My life has been ruined and destroyed by the ones who abused me. Even tho I am away from them... the memories haunt me every day and the pain from it is still a 10.
I know others have been thru worse, but I feel like no one gets it or understands what being an abuse survivor is like. I feel so alone bc I've ALWAYS had to deal with EVERYTHING alone in life since the day I was born, even when I reached out for help. People incl. my own family have treated me like less than trash my entire life. It's like a horrible roller coaster ride that never stopped. So much damage has been done mentally and physically.
I live in isolation bc people have mistreated me all my life so now in order to keep safe... I stay mostly to myself. RE-VICTIMIAZATION is a VERY REAL thing!! The same patterns of mistreatment from others can follow a person and repeat thru out their lives even tho they do what they can to keep it from happening. Why is that?? I feel like I'm the only one who ever questions this stuff.
I go thru so much mentally and emotionally every second of the day. It replays over and over and even IMAGINED senariors of abuse and mistreatment replay over and over... like all the different ways these people could abuse me and what could have happened and much worse it all could've been. It's mental torment. I haven't found a counselor who "gets it" either. If it were truly so easy to just get over and not think about it... it would've been done years ago. I can't believe how life's been. A nightmare I can't wake up from.
This is more of a vent and getting these feeling out bc it's building up so bad. Nothing helps.
My boyfriend and i are seperated because he cant talk about his feelings. He has insecurity issues. He gets upset wirh me about something and instead of talking to me he takes off and later texts me what hes upset about. The last time i told him to leave then if he cant talk to me. My daughtee got involved this time and told him off So he packed all his stuff and left. . Since my daughter lives...
I noticed that whenever he wanted something, I would say no, but eventually give in.I always blamed his skilled manipulation tactics, and never myself. I always felt like the victim when we would wake up on Monday exhausted, with my whole paycheck spent, and depressed.After a night of being called a b*tch, c*nt etc... I said enough. Maybe it's not him. It's me. I am, by being passive and letting...