It's so hard to move on from multiple traumas since childhood onward. I was forced to grow up without a family bc they abused me so bad. I was treated like I didn't exist when I wasn't being abused. It has effected me and my life in every way possible. I haven't been able to have anything that resembles a normal life bc of this despite years of therapies and medicines plus self help practices. My life has been ruined and destroyed by the ones who abused me. Even tho I am away from them... the memories haunt me every day and the pain from it is still a 10.
I know others have been thru worse, but I feel like no one gets it or understands what being an abuse survivor is like. I feel so alone bc I've ALWAYS had to deal with EVERYTHING alone in life since the day I was born, even when I reached out for help. People incl. my own family have treated me like less than trash my entire life. It's like a horrible roller coaster ride that never stopped. So much damage has been done mentally and physically.
I live in isolation bc people have mistreated me all my life so now in order to keep safe... I stay mostly to myself. RE-VICTIMIAZATION is a VERY REAL thing!! The same patterns of mistreatment from others can follow a person and repeat thru out their lives even tho they do what they can to keep it from happening. Why is that?? I feel like I'm the only one who ever questions this stuff.
I go thru so much mentally and emotionally every second of the day. It replays over and over and even IMAGINED senariors of abuse and mistreatment replay over and over... like all the different ways these people could abuse me and what could have happened and much worse it all could've been. It's mental torment. I haven't found a counselor who "gets it" either. If it were truly so easy to just get over and not think about it... it would've been done years ago. I can't believe how life's been. A nightmare I can't wake up from.
This is more of a vent and getting these feeling out bc it's building up so bad. Nothing helps.
I went to jail for a month after calling the suicide hotlline for help and I cannot stand all of the lies all over the media and I just want to die. I cannot stand it anymore. My whole life is ruined. People said terrible things about me that don't even understand. I just wish I would have killed myself instead of calling the hotline for help. I am hurting so badly. I got kicked out of my...
Tonight’s meeting gave me a reminder that sometimes we have to sit with our feelings. Sometimes we just have to be still, wait for the next chapter to begin. Sometimes we don’t get answers but we can still have peace. Whatever life throws my way, I don’t have to tackle it alone. I have never been so thankful for a group or for an online community. I’m being honest about some things in...