Purpleiris, honestly I think there is something about your meds that needs to be addressed. That sounds like a lot. If I were you, I'd begin looking for another pdoc that is specialized with ptsd along with major depression. From what I've been learning meds to treat depression are not always the best for the ptsd.

For the rest of what I'm hearing, try to relax. I can truly relate to what you're saying about the upcoming holidays. And...my son's birthday is the day after Christmas. With all the worries those two things make it worse instead of better for my own reasons, just as you have your reasons for the two to be stressers. More than likely the worry/panic/obsessive (know these things) about everything being perfect, living up to expectations, etc.

What I'm trying to do is take it one day at a time and make sure I'm taking care of myself in every way. I realize I'm not going to be perfect, I'm not going to ever live up to the expectations everyone else puts upon me, I cannot do it all, but I do have to realize also that I can live up to my own expectations when I'm thinking clearly of my own personal hardships I face.

Check out a new doctor and come to terms with what it is about this time of year that is flipping you out. Do you have a therapist? ( i know for me, this time of year flips me out because of the expectations everyone else has of what I should be able to do and not being able to live up to that. not because i'm not a good person but because it's unrealistic to expect these things of me. )

I hope this helps :)

I am going to have to disagree with workingthru. Although there are some very good comments about Anxiety and the holidays.

I have Major Depression, Anxiety, PTSD, and a few others. I am known as "treatment resistant". I am taking Wellbutrin, Zoloft, Lamictal, BuSpar, Vistaril, and I'm tappering off Klonapin. That's just the psych meds and I'm only 43. I'm also a nurse.

There is nothing wrong with taking SSRIs with SSNRIs and a few other things. It's called Augmentation therapy. One of the drugs helps the others do the work that needs to be done. No one drug is the "fix all" drug. Medications are great for controlliing symptoms, but that is all they will do. They don't fix the problem. Taking medications is fine if you let them do their work so that you can do your work of getting to the root of the matter.

PTSD is a disease of intensity. We all feel very intensly. We are hypervigilant and very sensitive to the environment around us. We have had to be. We have experienced horrible things and this is one way of keeping us safe. Medications are just part of the picture.

I think WorkingThru put it EXCELLENTLY. [high five to WorkingThru!]

When you are in the PTSD Discussion list, click on the Treatment link at the top. It will ONLY pull up the results for people who say they use that med for PTS. That will give you an idea of the percentage of people who say they find a med helpful.

Myself, I update my med ratings as I go along. I think those statistics are important. We might think a med is helping and then realize it is aggravating and the cause of what we "thought" was the PTS just getting worse. But if you think about it... Well, duh! If the PTS is getting worse, than the med is NOT working, is it?!! Lol! Never said it that way before but - DUH! ;)

Okay, the very last anti-depressant I took made me SO extraordinarily suicidal that I would be DEAD if I kept anything that could hurt me in my house. (Remember, PTS is all crippling so it also has to be quick because, heck, we'd panic before we were successful! Okay... maybe that's not so funny. Don't want any of my friends missing...) :(

So, I put my foot down, REFUSED to take another med and IMMEDIATELY stopped them all. Of course, I don't seem to withdrawal like others so it was less of an issue... You'd have to figure how you do and if you have a tendency towards addiction or not. Anyway, for me, the gift is watching the clouds clear. I slept for DAYS as much as possible ON PURPOSE so that I limited the amount of time I was conscious while waiting for the affects to wear off. The GREAT thing about PTSers is we have super willpower. So, about 3 days or so after stopping everything, I had enough strength to contain myself again and then I could just veg out in front of the TV and then DS (about when I found it) as my will came back and the meds went bye-bye.

I was SURPRISED to see HOW MUCH of the craziness was the meds! I was thinking I had *really* spiraled into nothingness. So, I still had the PTS, and still couldn't work, and still could be triggered to inappropriate behavior BUT the WILD craziness and suicide and just "hysterics" came from those meds.

Clearly, there's other stuff and triggers *really* destroy ability. And, life, especially my life, has been bringing triggers GALORE. Still, the majority of the time I could remove myself from people before acting out and could isolate and focus on calming and regaining control. So, I still had PTS, with agoraphobia, and lots of other goodies, but the bottom line was that I wasn't a suicidal raving lunatic. I was just a PTSer. ;)

So, honestly, if you're having suicidal ideation, it's probably the Cymbalta and Wellbutrin. Remember, they can CAUSE suicidal thoughts - and it's not "just in kids" or "just in young adults." It's in people who do NOT need depression meds. From what I have learned about PTS, it is a TOTALLY DIFFERENT beast from Depression and Anxiety. As I researched pharmacology (the chemical reactions) of our brains on PTS and different medications I went, "Holy cr@p! They're giving us the OPPOSITE of what we need!!!"

So, this is why WorkingThru is TOTALLY right. If you have PTS, then Depression and Anxiety are not the real issue. The real issue is the PTS and the symptoms come from an excess of catecholamines. Catecholamines are the 3 fight-or-flight hormones (adrenaline, norepinephrine, dopamine) that are released by the brain when we feel threatened. Yet, if you remember back to your trauma, I bet you money that you didn't "roll over" and let them have their way without some sort of resistance or refusal that what was happening was "okay." So, if that happened, there was no "flight" response. I also bet you didn't become wild and "fight" outright. You probably tried to compromise, understand, talk, something "logical" "reasonable" and "humane" (which is WAY MORE than we can say for the people who did this to us). So, my theory? I think our brains "fried" from the effort of containing the hormones instead of acting like other people who pass the craziness on.

Hey, I 100% firmly believe that we *TOTALLY* made the right choice. What I learned is to "remove" myself from the situation (so I am not in the middle of the "melee") and then fight from the outside, where I am safe, get downtime, perspective and balance. Also, when we fight from outside a situation, we can give our body enough rest to grow strong and have the ability to fight.

Now, of course, situations like molestation and rape and war and other things that are physically overpowering us don't let us remove ourselves at the time. But, I hope, in time as I understand these experiences more I can learn a way for people to step out of the melee and find a way to fight from the outside. Truly, it is those who have experienced these situations that understand them best. :-( I pray for them a lot! I hope that helps.

Anyway, the point is, the way we are sick is *very* biological and *very* different because it cannot be "willed" away. I tried it... for a year... and made myself SO much worse. Heck, I tried it for months after that and got NOwhere. So... Positive thinking doesn't get one out of PTS. Those triggers have to go and the body has to learn what level of catecholamines is "normal" or "desired" and stop spitting out all the extra! Bad body! :-p

My suggestion, print out the info under the Med Ides & Why post. Grab a highlighter. Browse a few paragraphs in a sitting and highlight what you feel is important and make notes when you have questions and thoughts. Me? I can't read more than 2-3 paragraphs anymore. No long juicy reads for me, but that's okay. I leave my books in the restroom and read 2-3 paragraphs each time I go. In a day, that gets somewhere! Doing it EVERY day, makes good, steady progress.

Also, there's this cool new feature and you can search mine and TLCDaisy's posts just by clicking the button under our names. We're not the "only" ones doing research or making finds, but one or the other of us *nearly* always chimes in on a discussion about meds, biological functions and alternative treatments. So, we're a handy, dandy guide to getting started perusing and then it'll lead you to more people like DesertDancer, Dansdoll, Woodlandpath, Bato and on and on and on. Even Janthina chimed in some interesting stuff from her studies. I don't remember everyone (I HAVE PTS PEOPLE! My memory is becoming crap!) ;), but you'll find them.

Okay, that's a LOT of info. You can also check out my profile. I tend to be very detailed about why a med didn't work. Suggestion? Talk to a good psychiatrist about: Using 10 mgs propranolol as needed for panic attacks. Using 1 low dose Klonopin with 1 low dose Ativan only when you *have* to sleep. (Long term and regular Klonopin (definitely and I don't know about the Ativan for certain) makes it less effective and causes mood problems just as regular alcoholic drinking does.) Make certain the doctor can okay and you are taking an antihistamine (I like Benadryl and Vistaril) to stop allergic reactions (like swelling in Emphysema). The antihistamine and the propranolol will reduce adrenaline. To reduce the other 2 catecholamines (norepinephrine and dopamine - yes, you most likely want LESS dopamine, not just because it's a fight-or-flight chemical but ALSO because it is a precursor to - leads to production of - norepinephrine!!!), try taking Geodon or Serzone. For people who have a HIGH tolerance for meds, Risperdal is an option and I hear it is superior for flashbacks. Myself? WAY to strong. I figure it's better to start low and add on as needed.

WHEW! Another mouthful. I *WAY* gotta get this typed up into an appropriate form for the website. www.CarrotofHope.org Getting ready to put up info for family and friends first! Everyone seems particularly desperate for something to educate and support them, since it's SO HARD for someone without PTS to get it. :-)

I love Meow (I posted SO long she slipped a post in on me!) but I *totally* disagree with her... thus, the need for a psychiatrist who has extensive training in PTSD.

Meow is one of my friends and loving and supportive and amazing.

If you simply click on the "Treatments" button just above this discussion, you will see the effectiveness ratings people with PTS have found Wellbutrin, Zoloft, BuSpar and Lamictal. Klonopin always gets good marks because it can get us to sleep. Lol! ;)

Remember, it's YOUR body and YOUR life and so YOU are the one who chooses to go with the psychiatrist, medical physician, therapist, etc. Just because they have a title, doesn't mean they know what they're doing. Trust your instincts. Educate yourself. Most importantly, remember they are HUMAN. Hello??? How many humans have you seen with titles who totally screw up their jobs??? Medical professionals are NO exception. Hello??? Heard of malpractice insurance???

'Nuff said. :)

(LOVE YOU, MEOW! ***BIG HUGS***)

Never disagreed so fervently before on DS. Having a bit of that PTS fear that she'll leave. :(

Thanks you guys; but at this point I am so overwhelmed, confused, and I do not know what I read???????? Maybe if you guys could talk real SSSLLLOOOOWWWWWYYYY and hold my hand. LOL I am a baskey case. I can not think clearly, with all these meds zinging around inside my brain. Wish I knew a whole lot more about PTSD; as my son and old counselor think that all my other diagnoses are bullsh*t. I was severely----yes severely abused growing up and I have never recovered. All my thoughts and actions are in place so I could live through that. I worry obsessively; am hypervigillant to the expteme; scared all the time; anxious; sad; etc., etc. I wish I had someone to talk to; a friend; couselor, etc. I am on my own. Very limited resourses; only SSD.
And I trust no one, and I will not go outside unless I absolutely have to. No, believe it or not; I do not think I am crazy. I think I am triggered over and over by sounds, smells, sights, etc. So I hide. Thanks.

Wow, you have alot going on. I'm so sorry you are suffering so much. I don't really know what to say about your meds. Seems like alot to me. Plus you throw in the side effects of meds. I just wanted you to know that I read your post and I'll be thinking about you. I wish I had more to say but I'm one of few words tonight. I wish you well. love, vickie

I am not sure if my own experience will help, but here goes. I have been on various SSRIs and they all made me worse and made me suicidal. I am now on effexor XL which is a time-release SNRI which works really well. I have managed to give up smoking for four months on it. I have found in the past that the toxic cocktail effects of combining too many meds to be worse than the problems that they were supposed to cure.

purpleiris: Get to your doctor immediately and tell him/her that your meds aren't working, that you're having suicidal ideations. You can't figure this out yourself right now because you're feeling so off. You need the input of your doctor to help figure out what's in your best interest. When you're feeling more stable, then you can look into other options.

I think your meds are all screwed up. It's not you, it's the meds.

I can really relate. I would also suggest telling your doc immediately about the suicidal thoughts.

You may also want to read the info that comes with your meds and see which ones can cause thoughts of suicide, agitation, etc. and start weaning off them.

When I first started trying to make sense of all the medication info on DS, it was overwhelming. Little by little, I started reading med and PTSD related info and how the brain works. I am starting to make some sense of it all - but it takes time. It was too much for me to take in all at once. And science doesn't know much about the brain yet, so that makes this even more challenging.

Hang in there, things can get better. This year I am not even able to think about the holidays. Remember you have limits and it is OK to have them and just do what you are able to do without losing it - let the rest go (I know this is easier said than done). Just do your best not to exceed your limits.

In a previous post, Brillante had mentioned treating the PTSD FIRST and FOREMOST. I think that that is a logical thing.

I am a Nurse as well, but my specialty is in Cardiac...but that intertwines a bit with some of these catecholamines, and the Heart Meds being used to treat PTSD...like Propranolol and Prazosin.

I was treated for Depression/Anxiety for 4 years...UNsuccessfully. I have been on just about every anti-depressant out there. My Pdoc only dished out Ativan for anxiety for me...and it DID NOT WORK. I just couldn't fathom WHY this didn't work, I gave it to my patients ALL THE TIME. This was BEFORE I knew I had PTSD. Then, she gave me Vistaril...NOPE didn't work. Then, nothing....

Anyways...I was reflecting the other week, and thought...I don't think I am even depressed. I think it's ALL PTSD. Everything that is weighing me down, is all caused by effects of PTSD.

Finding a GREAT Pdoc is ESSENTIAL. Not all Pdoc's are knowledgeable enough to treat PTSD, and do NOT keep up with the research that is pouring out of the VA right now.

I am a VERY PICKY person when it comes to Doc's. I have been through 4 Pdoc's in 4 years....and 3 of those have been since April '07.

Get this...my 2nd Pdoc this year didn't even think I MET the criteria for PTSD. Diagnosed me with Atypical Depression and Anxiety due to my 'traumatic childhood' I saw him 3 times, and LEFT. He had NO CLUE what to do with me next. I printed out the DSM IV for PTSD and highlighted all the criteria I met, and told him I met all the criteria in my 2nd visit...he couldn't even tell me for sure what criteria I didn't meet.

My 3rd and FINAL Pdoc is a Neuro-Psychiatrist...and is truly FABULOUS! I have only seen him 2x, but my gut instinct is great, and it rings FABULOUS. My DH sees him as well..and was torked he kept him from me for so long. He didn't want me going to his Pdoc appts b/c he was in denial anything was wrong with him. But, he needed a mood stabilizer, which I had been advocating for him for 3 years now...and he FINALLY got on one, and he is doing better. I KNEW he needed one, and his first Pdoc dismissed it when I told him I thought he would benefit from one after I read Dr. Amen's books...he was initially diagnosed with ADD...that was a WRONG DIAGNOSIS. He has Irritable Male Depression, and some anxiety.

Anyways, I write long stuff...

Being that you have Emphysema...I bet some of your breathing meds, which you DO need...might aggravate some of your PTSD symptoms...

Are you on Singulair?? My NPdoc mentioned Singulair to me as a treatment for PTSD in my first visit. There is NOTHING on the Internet I have found yet on Singulair and PTSD. I have allergies, and he said it would NOT be for my allergies.

There has been a link up between PTSD and Asthma, in fact, my NPdoc was part of that study.

My NPdoc stays up on research bigtime. He is extremely knowledgeable...and WHEN do you ever have a Pdoc order something for cholesterol??

Mine did...my triglycerides spiked about 100 points from 8 weeks ago. He put me on Niaspan, with an Aspirin 20 minutes before it to decrease incidence of flushing. And, said I might be able to come off Zocor.

He treats the body as a whole. If your cholesterol is whacked up, it affects your brain and med effect...same with Vitamin B12 and Folate...if it's out of whack, your meds will not work, no matter what dose you are on.

Recent Research has shown that Zoloft is NOT effective for PTSD.

I am on Cymbalta, but weaning off...and it's not supposed to be good for PTSD. It was increased to 90mg, and it did nothing. I am going to ask my NPdoc about that...I have been letting him call some shots first.

Sleep and my IBS was driving me nuts. So, I am on Librax for that.

It may take some time to find a really good Pdoc...try calling some of the offices and asking if they treat PTSD. Though, I've found most people that answer the phone don't know diddly. Maybe some of the ads in the phonebook will list PTSD.

Take it easy over the holidays. Don't do too much, or you'll stress out big time. Take it slow.

Make sure you review all your meds with your Pdoc, including your inhalers. Maybe there is something they can give you to counteract the racing heart rate you might get from one of them...But, will need to collaborate well with your Pulmonary Doc.

You know what Daisy? I don't think I'm depressed either. I think it's pretty much all PTSD. The only time I generally have mood swings including real sadness, is when I'm premenstrual. I think my depression symptoms are actually hormonal surges. They only last about 4 days a month, before my period. I don't think I should be put on an anti-depressant for that. Plus, anti-depressants don't work on PTSD symptoms! Truly, they don't.

I began to have suicidal ideations on Wellbutrin, so, I lowered my dose and don't feel suicidal anymore. And you know the crap I'm dealing with right now from family. Now I feel sadness, but not despair, anger but not rage, some fear, but not terror. I am going to wean myself off the meds completely and see how much I stabilize.

My medical care is totally substandard.

So, you're not along, purpleiris. My doctor doesn't seem to know what he's doing either. lol Sincerely, I have to deal with a GP to make these decisions and he doesn't understand PTSD or the way the symptoms manifest themselves in me.

You know what I think sometimes...that the medical profession doesn't take women's mental health care seriously enough. They put it down to hysteria or being overly sensitive...and that's why women with PTSD get put on anti-depressants instead of PTSD meds. Gah.