I just ended my group therapy which lasted 14 days.It was 5 days a week. When they told me about my last day it set me into a tail spin of anger,abondment issues,depressed,lost. helpless. I felt like the safety net I built with them was torn right under my legs. I wanted to kill myself that day. I was even afraid I would hurt my kids so I called a friend over to help since my husband was away. There was no further plan for me. No where else for me to go. I start a group for DBT but it is only 1 hr a week. what do I do with the other 6 days. I go see my therapist every 2 weeks. Where is the help. I don't want to get sicker. I want to get better. My mind cant shut off of being alone and in fear. I am stuck with myself in fear,depression, and on an emotioanal roller coaster. I don't know how to deal with this or what to do. I am so afraid of my feelings. they are to scaring for me to deal with. I feel vulnerable with my demons inside of me. which is supression of my PTSd and sexual abuse and physical abuse. I feel that this is to much to handle on my own. People seem to think there is nothing wrong with me because the medications that I take make it seem that I am normal whatever that is. How do I fight to go on when all I want to do is sleep. How do I fight to get motivated to things for me to get better. How do I cope with the loss of security I just found.I trusted them and I feel betrayed. Which has always been a problem for me with thrapist. I started to trust them and this is what happens. It is not an insurance issue. I don't know how to deal. I don't want to pretend anymore that I am fine. My chest of demons has opened. It is scary for me. I need help and I feel that no one is there to help me. My mind feels stalled I can't seem to wrap it around things that are positive only negative. All I do is cry. when will this ever end.
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