i feel really far more than silly with my i-am-scared-of-my trip posts,so this is the last one,promise.
just sent my friend a message saying i can't do it.
i am still feeling really depressed,and now i have a migraine.the chlorpromazine hangs on all day making every movement slow,and i am out of it..it is the only only way i can sleep though...
it occured to me that there is a reason i haven't been back in 10 years....yes,it is a beautiful city,but frankly the bad memories outweigh the good.
my suicide attempt,my first hospitalization which was in a very very scary hospital.very abusive relationships.
i am having,like,fuzzy flashbacks....what if i get there and they become full blown. i have no appointment with my therapist next week to help me through this.
i love my old doctor.but i am not a success story.i have survived,yes....but i am still a failure.
i will write him a long letter.
am i horrible?
i feel like i am..
as i said,last post about this...anyway,was it only last week and the week before i was in the crisis unit,once after taking more meds than i was suppsed to?
my friend says i am running away,and maybe i am...or,of course i am.
i can't i can't.i can't do it though.
i thought this was a nice story to wake up to.https://www.goodnewsnetwork.org/customer-tips-hair-stylist-after-lockdowns-lift/
You know it's bad when you can't find a movie you haven't seen. I am watching more TV than usual with this quarantine. What are you watching?