i don't know what it is really its just the thoughts i call them, but the really really bad ones the ones where i get lost, so lost in the grief cuz it just hurts so damn much inside its unbearable. why does it hurt like that? my health is a mess its the bad time of year i'm living with my parents and they hae much to do with why i have ptsd in the first place. its becoming really awful. i am sick so they are trying to help me like financially and stuff and its so hard for me to accept help from them i don't want it i feel dependent on them again i feel like a child again. i cry at th thought of going home after work and knowing i am going to see them. they make me cringe when they just walk by. i dont understand. i got relaly drunk and really sick last night and ended up at home throwing up all over the place crying hysterically and they got me into bed and i just kept saying please dont leave me i thought i was going to die since my recent helath probs n then a car accident i keep having panic attacks where i think i'm gonna die and i said to him i don't know why i can't let you help me. i didn't even remember they told me today i'm surprised i didn't get yelled at more. but i just feel all fucked up inside somethings off things are starting to spill out its like th shit i need to remember is surfacing again and i can't control my emotions i just keep having these outbursts. i'm scared. just scared of nothing for no reason. and so ense all the time i constantly on guard just waiting i feel like i'm just waiting to be attacked. i just saw my p-doc n he's usually really good but i felt like he kinda blew me off but i just kno somethings wrong inside my head go why do i have to be like this???????????????????????
Posts You May Be Interested In