oh my its sounds like your going to check out ? why hasn't anyone else posted a reply to you ? what is wrong with people? when someone says please don;t contact me they don't want to go yet,i hope someone can assist you in helping you decide which is better for you.

I hope that you don't mean that. Your relationship is not your life, you are your life. I pray that where ever you are and what ever you are doing is safe. We are here for you and we want you to make it.

puppi, the one thing i like least about PYSD is that it seems as though it makes me, with out any control, to act on my feelings of helplessness. I am personally famous for running when I can not handle the emotions I am experiencing. It makes me feel like I am actually doing something about my situation and my state of being...like protecting myself. Unfortunately all efforts and energies in this direction do not solve it. So, what I try with all my might is to walk it through. I hve many things I do before I decide to draw a line run and call it quits. It is no easy task...but the more I do it the better I get at it. DS is relatively a safe place. Now and again I read something that some one has said that may not be particularly helpful and my heart goes out to the individual that must rad a response that probably doesn't even mean what it says. I think you should come and go as you please but to burn your own bridge in your head doesn't exactly serve the healing process. To leave and be upset is fine...that is yours. But heck, why banish from a community that allows us to write in a journal. Pick the friends we want all the while we may decide to voice ourselves or ask questions. I have trauma reactions all of the time but as I said before I practice not acting on them. It is one of the best ways to begin listening to the feelings and tolerating them as terrifying and as horrible as they can be. Knowing that when our responses and reactions are not really about the present and we view things that trigger as a real threat...it is hard to stop...but it can be done. I hope you will decide to come back and participate and knowing that beginning to speak up is one of the best medicines. Either way, Take Care

It's hard on our spouses to deal with our PTSD too....they are affected by it too.

Has he ever gone to therapy with you?? Are you on the right meds to help your symptoms??

Through healing you can get better...it takes some time, but you will begin to feel better and be able to cope better.

Please don't think this is the end...it can be a new beginning. I am not sure how your relationship is with your husband...but if it was truly toxic, then it is probably impairing your healing process.

You need a supportive person there for you, and maybe he just doesn't know how to be that person...that's where therapy together can come in handy...reading books about it...working on your relationship while you heal too.

This may not be over...talk to him, get him to go to therapy with you.

Please let us know what's going on...We are here to support you.

Puppi...You DO have SO much to live for...3 Boys and 6 Grandchildren!! Keep them in the light...What would they do without you?? How would they feel without you in their lives??

I just gave you a Hug...There is Hope in Healing.

It may not be over with you and your husband...read my hug.

Hugs!

Hi puppi
My name is Anne. I have been struggling with PTSD for 30 yrs. When I first started to remember, I was married to Marty, the only man with whom I have really fallen in love (I still love him like a teenager). It's been 27 yrs & that first love has not changed one little bit.
He left me too. I believe he loved me deeply also. For the first two years after I started to remember, he really tried. He held me, he listened to my terrible pain, he waited many times to find out whether I had killed myself, he went to therapy with me. Then, he realized he couldn't take it. He told me he had to withdraw to save his own sanity. I lost my beloved, my friend, my work partner. He stayed with me physically for many years, but he wasn't with me. I was living alone in a house with a man living his own life. Eventually, he went to another woman. I was relieved. All those years of living with the guilt of knowing how unhappy he was & that it was my fault were over. No unreasonable blame on myself here. It was my fault, even though I couldn't help it.
When he first disappeared (withdrew very far away emotionally), I felt lost & in such pain that nothing was worth while. I had nothing to live for. That damned human instinct to survive kept me alive. I never quite made it.
They say hope springs eternal. Well, it sure did in my case. Blind & in love, deep down I hoped Marty would again come truly back to me. When he finally left, it was a relief also to let go of the hope (although it did continue for a couple years yet, even though he was with another woman).
I moved out of our home into a suite in a house whose owner was a loving wise woman. She became the first mother I have ever had. She was such a blessing.
Life has carried on. I have remarried. I love Keith, but I will never love anyone the way I still love Marty. I have to block my awareness of this love for Marty so I can give my heart to Keith.
There will never be another Marty. I have PTSD to thank for this great loss. Sometimes I allow myself to think of Marty & feel the love. But he is gone & life goes on.
My life today is OK. It's not anywhere near what it could have been; it's aeons from what it could have been!
But, what is, is. I have great sadness about a lot of things, but it does not prevent a calm, once in
awhile contended life. I have so much more of life than I ever dreamt I could, way back in the beginning.
Blessings, puppi
If you decide to leave us, in my faith, you will eventually be with the Father & know complete love & joy. I do not believe that the Father would abandon suicides. As one priest said to me one day, when you kill yourself, you're doing it because you see no other option. That's not a choice. You are not exercising free will; you are driven to it.
I hope you find the stubborness, the toughness to keep going. But if you don't:
God Bless you & keep you
May He make his face to
shine upon you
And grant you Peace.
Love
AnneDE