I finally started talking to my current therapist about my trauma. Near the end of the session I was so frustrated. Like....whats the point of even addressing or talking about this if all I'm going to be doing the rest of my life is "managing the symptoms"? Whats the point of trying to work through any of it if I'm always going to be triggered? She said it will just bother me less. But does that mean I will think about my abuse everytime I see a little girl of a certian age? I'll just be less emotional about it?
Whats the point if all this if there isn't a cure? Isn't some end goal where I can look at a 5 year old child and NOT think about my abuse? I'll just be bothered less? Like wtf even is that? What point is there if I can't get this out of my head? Just...I don't want this to be forever. I don't want this to be my life--to be how I live my life. WTF, man. Just wtf...
Life hurts, and then more and more and .......Seems most of my life has had pain and immense difficulties. No sooner does one crisis go before another one appears. Last 8 years have been spent looking out for our daughters who were severely abused throughout their childhood and now have serious mental health problems. Just when I thought life had turned a corner, wham. Husband of 36 years walks...
Have a great Friday!