My dental hygenist is a student, everybody else is fully booked. Means: 1 session = 4 hours. Ms M., the student who treats me is very kind and understanding. They know I'm on disability, they know the diagnosis and the meds I take. But her teacher tried to urge me to take more appointments. "No, I can't come both morning and afternoon. No, I can't do this twice a week. No, it's not because I have other appointments, I just don't have the strength!"
I felt so humiliated that I started crying as soon as I got home. What I'd like to tell her (now that humiliation has turned into anger) is:
"I'm on disability because of complex posttraumatic stress disorder. I'm a survivor of many years of abuse during childhood and youth. If I came here walking on a stick or with no arms you probably wouldn't think I could take more appointments. But the damage I've taken is in my brain and nervous system - where you can't see it. It doesn't make it any less real, it doesn't mean less suffering and it isn't less debilitating."
Sorry you had to hear this instead of her, but I really needed to get it out.
Wondering if I should write it down and give it to her next time I see her. Probably not, I doubt she would remember what it was about.
I have suffered from anxiety and panic attacks nearly my whole life. Every few years or so I have a really bad break down to where it becomes debilitating for days or even weeks. The thing that triggers my attacks is the thought of death and the thought of the end times. I am a believer. I believe in God and I believe that Jesus was sent to redeem us from our sins. I cannot figure out why am so...
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