I’ve been going through so much lately that you would think I’d be reaching out more, I do when I can but lately I’ve been maybe dissociating but I think it’s a little different. In the past ive been so spaced out not there dissociating. But lately I’ve so much I’m trying to battle physically (& emotionally) so much stirring in my head but I just can’t write it, can’t get it out. I read posts on here & want to respond & then freeze up. This has though been a pattern in my life that when I’m going through really hard times I go quite & don’t tell or express it.
Idk probably none of this made any sense, I wish I could get stuff out. Sometimes it all feels too bad & I feel like I’ve been so screwed up & brutalized that people would just be like woah & not know what to say which makes me feel isolated.
I really don’t want to be broken forever
Maybe I should attempt to write another journal, if I can idk
I need to heal a little bit, I’m trying but scared & don’t want to be a hopeless story
I hope I don’t delete this post or hate on myself for writing it & posting it
Sorry if anyone can feel the negative energy from this post
Not sure if I should be writing in this kind of a headspace or if this it the time I should reach out when I’m in this headspace .....
I have no idea if I have PTSD.I had two narcissistic parents growing up .They divorced when I was young and my mother remarried for 4 years I lived in fear of him.When my mother divorced she had no money and got in a lodger to help with rent . When she was out working he would often chuck my head down the toilet and flush it and then rubbed my head with a towel and chuck me into the cold garden...
I'm 21 and just coming out of an extremely physically and mentally abusive relationship. I've also battled drug and alcohol addiction for the past 3 years. This past winter I got my certification for personal training and have so many dreams and opportunities with my career but I've fallen into a depression that I haven't felt in a long time. I miss my abuser. I have no friends and I feel so...