I’ve been going through so much lately that you would think I’d be reaching out more, I do when I can but lately I’ve been maybe dissociating but I think it’s a little different. In the past ive been so spaced out not there dissociating. But lately I’ve so much I’m trying to battle physically (& emotionally) so much stirring in my head but I just can’t write it, can’t get it out. I read posts on here & want to respond & then freeze up. This has though been a pattern in my life that when I’m going through really hard times I go quite & don’t tell or express it.
Idk probably none of this made any sense, I wish I could get stuff out. Sometimes it all feels too bad & I feel like I’ve been so screwed up & brutalized that people would just be like woah & not know what to say which makes me feel isolated.
I really don’t want to be broken forever
Maybe I should attempt to write another journal, if I can idk
I need to heal a little bit, I’m trying but scared & don’t want to be a hopeless story
I hope I don’t delete this post or hate on myself for writing it & posting it
Sorry if anyone can feel the negative energy from this post
Not sure if I should be writing in this kind of a headspace or if this it the time I should reach out when I’m in this headspace .....
Today is my birthday, I’m 35 now Birthdays are always hard for me for many reason I like that it’s the first day of fall though I hope for a miracle this year, why not right? Big hug to everyone
So I had underweight of 55 kg due to psychosis and anxiety in school from 16 to 19 years. After this my weight was normal again. But at 19 years they've diagnosed me with a 20° S curve scoliosis. Are these events linked?Did I get a 20° S curve scoliosis only because of my underweight and the resulting lack of nutrition? I really want to know for sure, sorry. I feel like it was my fault for...